Tosh quotes from Torchwood

What's most amazing are the similarities with our own culture. But that can be horrible, 'cause we find lots of weapons and it just makes you think, "My God, everything wages war." It's not just a trait of ours, but a trait of existence. It makes you feel so hopeless! But then there are times... we found this thing, it was about A-4 size, and it had all these symbols on it. And it took me about three months to translate, and it was a letter someone had written to his family, to his children, to say how much he was missing them! It just made me cry, because I thought, even across these unimaginable distances, there are fundamentals that stay exactly the same. And there's no one to talk to about this. I mean, the guys at work, they're great, but they don't see it the way I do.

Just what I need, a rodent watching me while I work. I think I'll call it Owen.

Gwen

He just...

Jack

[deadpan] Came and went.

Owen

Now that's how I'd like to go.

I'm sure we could arrange it.

Owen

Happy birthday me. Oi, you lot, treat!

Wow.

Jack

Wow.

I thought she said she had a boyfriend.

Jack

You people and your quaint little categories.

We should really get her out of there...

Jack

Yeah... [pauses] I mean, yeah, come on!

Owen

I'll just... record a bit of this.

Gwen

So what's this supposed to do?

Jack

I'm using satellite tracking data to determine the intra-trajectory of the meteorite.

He means he's trying to find out where it's come from.

Jack

Hey! Sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul!

Jack, Carys is out of her cell!

Owen

Cheeky bitch took my swipe card.

Jack

I'll deal with it. Tell Owen he needs to work on those abs a bit harder.

Owen

I was taking some readings, you know, keeping an eye on her, and bang!

You got away lightly. Be thankful she was only interested your swipe card.

Gwen

Are you alright now, or are you still feeling a bit of a cock?

Jack

This kid, Bernie. Where does he live?

Splott.

Owen

Splott?!

Ianto

I believe estate agents pronounce it "Sploe".

[to Bernie's mother] Hi, I'm looking for Bernie. Is he in?

[smoking a cigarette whilst dressed in PJ's] Friends of his are ya?

[looks at Gwen uncertainly] Yes, I'm from the...

[looks Tosh and Gwen up and down] Well, I'm his mother, and he's a robbing little bastard who's not setting a foot in this house till he pays me the fifty quid he owes me. [slams the door in their faces]

All I'm saying is that once in a while I'd like to drive.

Owen

Yeah, and all I'm saying is no.

Why not?

Owen

Look I've shared cars with women before, I know what'll happen, there's an emergency, all raring to go, I jump in, what do I find? Seat's in the wrong position, rear view mirrors out of line, steering wheel's in my crotch. By time I've sorted all that out, aliens will've taken Newport!

Ianto

[Thinking] Can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt. [Out loud] I'm about to brew some of Jack's industrial strength coffee. Would you like a cup?

I'm ... fine, thanks Ianto.

So, I'm shagging a woman and an alien.

Which is worse?

Well, I know which one my parents would say...

Why couldn't I read your mind?

Jack

I don't know. But I could feel you scrabbling around in there. [grins]

I got nothing. It's like you were, I don't know...dead. [Jack's grin fades]

Jack

Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?

Ianto

Two thousand and eight.

Owen

Hey, what if they all become psychotic?

Do you have to sound so happy?

Owen

Yeah, I'm just saying, Mean Streets!

Owen

[re: the Resurrection Gauntlet.] You know, we never gave it a cool name.

I thought we just called it "the Resurrection Gauntlet".

Owen

Cool name.

Ianto

What about... the Risen Mitten?

Ianto

I think it's catchy.

Is that his...?

Jack

You don't think I would choose that ringtone.