Gwen Cooper quotes from Torchwood

Gwen

Torchwood doesn't do maternity leave - "Sorry Jack, I'd love to deal with those aliens but I can't find a babysitter", "No, no, no, I'll sort out that bomb once I've dropped Rhys Jr. off at nursery."

Gwen

You get to shoot first, and ask questions later. How good is that?

Gwen

What sort of getaway car is this? I thought you Americans all had these big SUVs. This is rubbish!

Gwen

They've got my dad, Jack. They've got my dad.

Gwen

All the things I fought with Torchwood. And what stops me? Red tape.

Gwen

When I was about 5 or 6, my dad came home from work early. And I knew there was something wrong, I could hear voices from the kitchen. So I looked through the door and I could see him crying. Turned out money'd gone missing from work and he got the blame. So I went to get all my pocket money and I put it in his hand. Must have been about two pound fifty. He looked at me and said it wasn't about the money. He said "I can't stand anyone thinking I'm not an honest man," and I've always remembered that. Always. Because that was the first time in my life anybody had spoken to me like an adult. And then we went to the back garden and we played until dark. So that's my dad. Geraint Wynn Cooper, the nicest man in the world. And today's the day that I kill him.

Gwen

But those people, last night - the people in the car, who are they? What's Torchwood?

I dunno. Special Ops?

Gwen

Yeah, but what does that mean?

I'll bet you ten quid they're DNA specialists. It's all DNA these days. Like that CSI bollocks. CSI Cardiff, I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a meat kebab!

Gwen

But hold on, if no one can see it when the lift's coming up, there's a great big bloody hole in the floor. Don't people fall in?

Jack

That is so Welsh.

Gwen

What is?

Jack

I show you something fantastic; you find fault.

Jack

All right, usual formation.

Gwen

What's the usual formation?

Owen

Varies.

Gwen

How can the usual formation vary?

Gwen

...Special Ops! I'm Special Ops...I'm with Torchwood.

Don't mess with me, little girl. You're not with Torchwood. And even if you were-

Jack

-You'd have put out the welcome banners. Now, first of all, she's no little girl. From where I'm standing, all the right curves in all the right places...but she is Torchwood, we both are, and we'd appreciate it if you'd leave us to do the real work. [holds hand out to Gwen] Shall we?

Owen

Make yourself useful, sweetheart; pass us the big chisel from the toolbox.

Gwen

Not sweetheart, Gwen. One syllable, sure you can manage it.

Owen

Not sweetcheeks? Freckles? New girl?

Gwen

[getting out chisel] It's a shame your tool's not big enough for the job, darlin'. Catch!

Gwen

He just...

Jack

[deadpan] Came and went.

Owen

Now that's how I'd like to go.

I'm sure we could arrange it.

Gwen

Well, actually, um, we were sort of, well, snogging...

WE KNOW.

Gwen

So what's this supposed to do?

Jack

I'm using satellite tracking data to determine the intra-trajectory of the meteorite.

He means he's trying to find out where it's come from.

Jack

Hey! Sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul!

Gwen

You don't know anything?

Owen

Not who he is, not where he's from, not anything. Except... him being gay.

Gwen

No he's not. Really, do you think?

Toshiko

Owen does, I don't.

Ianto

And I don't care.

Owen

Period military is not the dress code of a straight man.

Gwen

I think it suits him. Sort of classic.

Toshiko

Exactly! I've watched him in action, he'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.

Gwen

We know he's from America, right?

Owen

Don't even know that for sure.

Toshiko

No US citizen by the name of Jack Harkness born in the last fifty years.

Gwen

Maybe his identity's classified.

Ianto

Used to be something big in the CIA, that's what I reckon.

Gwen

He must have his reasons for wanting to keep things secret.

Owen

Sure he has. Doesn't stop me from wanting to know.