Jeremy: (On the Ford F150) The worst car I ever drove was a Russian Jeep in Saigon. And the critical word in that sentence is "was".
Series 7

Jeremy: [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] You can have a diesel, if you're the sort of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

Jeremy: [On the Ferrari F430's various drive modes] And then CST, which turns all the driver aids off. Don't know what CST stands for... Commit... Suicide... Training..?

Jeremy: [On which buggy was better] Question is, which one? Cause your Drakart��great fun, lots of sideways action-
Richard: Hooligan-style!
Jeremy: -but quite unsophisticated; it was like going sideways in scaffolding.

Jeremy: [voiceover] ...Oxford isn't a city, it's a bus lane.
Jeremy: Oxford hates cars!
Richard: [pointing to James' Jaguar] So it's really gonna hate this!!

Jeremy: [voiceover] Back on the road, it turned out Hammond's BMW wasn't all that healthy either. But, it did give him a new game to play...
Richard: Ooh! Hold on a minute! I've got it! There's a problem with my brake lights. I have "Connect Three."
Jeremy: [as Hammond overtakes him] That doesn't sound good.
James: [voiceover] Ah, but Hammond wasn't going to steal the break-down honours from me! Help. [voiceover] With the others far in front, and out of sight, my wipers packed up.

Jeremy: [voiceover] Meanwhile, the Jag just kept pounding round. The only time it came into the pits was when the Captain's sense of direction broke down.
James: No, I didn't mean to come in, I went the wrong way!

Jeremy: But unfortunately, its driver had become bored with waiting. [Clarkson walks up to the Audi S4 with the Stig asleep at the wheel and knocks on the windscreen] Stiggy! Wakey wakey! Listen. We're gonna do a race. Okay? You're going to drive the Audi, and see if you can get past the Cadillac. Okay?
[the Stig stares back through his helmet]
Jeremy: [looking back at the camera] You think that's gone in?

Jeremy: Can I just say, when we were 50 miles from Oslo we were neck in neck. Okay? Absolutely neck in neck. I made it to Oslo, flew home and was half way through supper before these guys arrivved at the finishing point. That's how badly it went wrong for them!
James: Well, I have to say it wasn't the end, we don't even know what that place was called.
Richard: A town. No idea.
James: No idea.
Richard: Just a place.
James: Freezing cold.
Richard: Yes.
James: Nobody spoke English to us.
Richard: No.
James: And we had no money.
Richard: No! And then there was a cash point and, that was unbelievable, it said 5000 kroner. Well how much is that? Do I buy a pencil sharpener or a car with that? And all I know is that's more than he [May] had because when he asked for that it said insufficient funds available. Which didn't go down well.

Jeremy: He's a hugely successful DJ, television presenter, and business man. And he achieved all this despite being born with a terrible affliction... [laughing] Ginger hair.

Jeremy: Hello, and welcome to Top Gear. Now we get quite a few complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show, so we're kicking off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all.

Jeremy: I've been shot in the ear, the lungs, and there's a big mess in my pants!

Jeremy: Our transport department is now being run by Darling and Ladyman. [...] Welcome aboard Mr Ladyman. Pop down anytime you like and bring Mr Darling with you.

Jeremy:Heathrow...To Oslo. I'm mad for doing this.

Jeremy:[after having the Eurotunnel train safety instructions start in French] Oh, we gotta have it in French! [pause] Start the train!