Top Gear · Season 17
[voiceover] The foam fitting was rather disturbing.
Why -- what are you doing? You're in my actual anus. That was my actual anus that you put your hand in.
It is a part of the programme!
Things that just happened that I didn't think would happen today. Jean Alesi, who I used to hero-worship, is playing with my genitals.
Hammond, I suspect the driving position has got you in mind in a Scorpion.
Is that what this is?
Yeah. £30,000. That's what it costs.
[climbing into the Scorpion] Already, I'm seeing buildings just fall down of their own free will.
[All three laugh]
Didn't James Blunt use one of these in Kosovo?
[from inside the Scorpion] It's got pedals! There are pedals.
I thought he had a guitar.
[Jeremy and James checks out a tank next to the Scorpion]
It's the Stormer.
Yeah, the Stormer. Now, come on.
20 grand, maximum.
Stormer! That's a good name.
£20,000. So this, or a Ford Focus.
[voiceover] Mostly, they talked about health and safety so we thought we should too.
Don't have an accident.
Don't have an accident.
If you do have an accident, remember... it was an accident.
[Jeremy Clarkson decides to try using explosives to speed up the demolition of one of the houses they've gone to demolish]
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
[The explosives are detonated, there is a lot of smoke and dust, but all that falls is the door of the house which is otherwise intact]
(a la Michael Caine) You only blown the bloody door off!
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, James asks a girl for a favour.
[slowly] No.
Richard listens to a man. And I polish a bishop.
[on The Stig]
Some say that his favourite T-shirt has a picture on the front of a T-shirt. And that he spent all week waiting for a big cheque from the Germans, because he too has spent the last 2,000 years sitting on his backside doing absolutely nothing at all. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
[while checking on the Peugeot iOn]
That's not a very big boot. You wouldn't get a dog in there. [brief pause after realizing what he just said] Discussing luggage space is like I'm back on old Top Gear.
Can I get a beard?
[voiceover] And what's more, the Leaf can even deliver your own personal Greenpeace lecture.
[short jingle]
It's talking! [looking visibly surprised while it speaks]
By the 12th of May, electric cars worldwide saved a total of 344,000 eco-trees.
What!?
And 659 tonnes of carbon-dioxide has been reduced.
What do they mean? What's an eco-tree? What are you saying woman?
These days eco-ism is seen as cool. People like James May and me, petrol heads, we're -- we're dinosaurs really. So if you have one of these cars with zero emission and full electric plastered down the side, you are more likely to get a girlfriend. [voiceover] You just have to hope she doesn't live at the other end of the country.
Use some of your charm. It will begin with the word "hello". Ready? [imitates James] "Hello."
Hello. We were just wondering, we're trying to... We've got two electric cars.
Right.
[camera cuts to Jeremy, who is a short distance away from James]
James has a way with women. I should imagine he'll be able to talk her into it, no problem at all.
[camera switches back to James]
..it's going to take 12 hours.
[slowly, after a long pause] ...No.
[while brass rubbing in the Lincoln Cathedral]
I would never normally be brass rubbing -- and do you know why I've never done it? 'Cause all the cars I've ever owned have been powered by petrol or diesel. Look [points to his rubbing], it's Hammond, only in a diving bell.
It does look a bit like Hammond, actually.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
