[Q: Can I afford it?]
Jeremy: Prices start at around £8500, but you need £11000 to get a decent, mid-range model, so if you have £11000 to spend on a car, then yes you can. But if you've only got 40p, then... no... y-you can't.

[Q: Is it green?]
Jeremy: Yes. Very.
[We see the Fiesta in the background. It is, indeed, painted green.]

[Reading the first challenge]
Jeremy: In less developed countries such as Australia and America, people like to personalise their vehicles. You must now do the same.
Jeremy: [Looking at his lorry] I'm gonna need a hell of a lot of paint...

[Reading the first part of the challenge]
Jeremy: Since you can buy Rolexes here for a fiver and lunch for 50p, you're standing in the world's biggest Pound shop. You should therefore have no trouble at all buying some wheels for fifteen million ??ng.

[Reading the main challenge]
James: You'll now attempt to achieve in eight days what the Americans failed to achieve in ten years: get from the south of Vietnam to the north. You will ride from [laughs] here in Saigon to Ha Long City, near the Chinese border, which is one thousand miles away.
[Jeremy looks daunted]
James: That is excellent!
Richard: Wow!
James: That is the best challenge we've ever had!
Richard: That's fa-- I'm going. I'm getting--Get his bike started. [runs back to his bike]
James: Honestly, that is fantastic. [leaves too]
Jeremy: I just-- I can't do that. I can't do-- Guys, I can't do that! I can't ride a bike. I'm sorry, this is stupid. [points to crew behind the camera] And I'm not joking, it is-- I don't know who came up with this, but it's daft.
Richard: I think it's brilliant! I'm more excited than anything we've ever done.
James: I can't believe you're being a misery-guts.
Jeremy: Because it's a thousand miles in the rainy season...!
Richard: I know, that's the best thing about it!
Jeremy: ...a thousand miles, in the rainy season, in a country with not very good roads, and I can't ride a bike!

[referring to a diesel version of the Fiesta]
Jeremy: I wouldn't bother with that particular model though because it'll almost certainly be shi-

[Richard and James are having lunch somewhere else]
James: [looking at the menu] Uhm, well I think this thing here is a sort of squid thing with some... weird paste.
Richard: [looking unhappy] Don't like squid.
James: Ok, well you can have crab with...
Richard: Don't like crab.
James: Razor clams!
Richard: Don't like clams.

[Richard and then James arrive at the meeting point, a restaurant]
Richard: Well, I went to check ahead if it'd gotten any steeper. It did.
James: I know.
Richard: Where is he, do you reckon?
James: Dunno.
Richard: Do you think he's enjoying his first biking experience?
[Cut to Jeremy, who is riding through town in the dark]
Jeremy: [Very, very angry] I am the most miserable human being alive! Where's this restaurant?! Where is it?!

[Standing in front of the Bugatti and Zonda]
James: Now, I believe the done thing at this point is to have a drag race. So if nobody objects, we'll have one... [pauses] with these two. I will be in the Zonda, and the Veyron will be driven by the Stig... who wasn't here earlier.

[starting the news]
James: Right, the news. And of course we've been off the air for a while...
Richard: [walking on] God, he is such a child.
James: Yeah, where is he anyway?
Richard: I don't know; in the audience somewhere flicking people's ears and blaming the people next...
Jeremy: [from in the crowd] Excuse me... excuse me...
[Jeremy appears wearing a silk shirt]
[Audience applauds but Jeremy feigns ignorance]
Richard: You ah, you wearing that for a bet?
Jeremy: Yeah. Aaah, anyway...

[Starting up the show]
Jeremy: Now, every week either Richard or I drive a preposterously fast car around our track. But when it came to making this week's film, there was a problem: neither one of us was available. I had hurt my neck in the lorry crash, and Richard was busy selling fish at Morrison's. Which meant that for the first time ever, Captain Slow went out there... God help us...

[The Stig is driving their modified Avantime around the track]
Jeremy: Look at that! It looks like a touring car! A French, plastic touring car, but a touring car none the less!

[The three are driving a Renault Avantime around the track]
Jeremy: So, this is six years old and everything works -- which is odd because most Renaults...
Richard: ...six minutes!

[While driving the Tesla next to the Lotus Elise, after overtaking it after the Hammerhead]
Jeremy: The volthead has overtaken the petrolhead. And yes, [puts finger next to ear, mimicking a telephone] yes, I've just heard, it is snowing in hell.

[On the ZAZ-968's ice-fishing hatch]
Jeremy: Not even a Maybach has this!