[still during the news]
Jeremy: Now, we get loads of...er, letters on this show, very angry ones from people who say we don't do enough, em, affordable cars, you know, family cars. One particularly angry caller last week rang the BBC duty log saying we were a disgrace, well, Mr. Needham, check this out...[a picture of the Vauxhall Corsa appears on the TV screen] That is the new Vauxhall Corsa! [3 seconds later] And, er, moving on now...[audience dissolves into laughter]

[still on petrol going up to a pound a litre...]
Jeremy: I filled my car up with petrol a couple of months ago, do you know how much that cost?
Richard: Well no...
James: 90 pounds.
Richard: ... big car, 85 pounds.
Jeremy: No! 35,000 pounds.
James: You filled it up with bull sperm you idiot!

[Still on the Audi TT gearbox]
Richard: Is it an automatic or a manual?
Jeremy: It's witchcraft! That's what it is.

[Still on the Porsche 911, after Hammond explained the intricacies of using it in daily life]
James: So in the real world my 1.2 litre Fiat Panda is faster to the shops.
Richard: No mate, it's just not.
James: Because I've got to put the seatbelt on once. You have got to do it six times.
Richard: OK, I've got to do that and wait whilst you put your seatbelts on and then go through all your preflight checks, and make sure all the airvents are all in the same direction. [audience laughing]

[Talk about Lamborghini Reventón.]
Richard: Anyway, it has a 6.5L V12.
Jeremy: B12.
Richard: Yep, whatever. It can do two hun...
Jeremy: whateber.
Richard: Please stop that, it's very annoying. It can do 220 miles per..
Jeremy: bery annoying.
Richard: Leave it!!

[Talking about a new F1 team, Manor Grand Prix from near Sheffield]
Richard: I can't wait to see their new car. Don't worry about bothering with all that carbon fibre, I made mine out of steel. Steel!
Jeremy: Stainless steel. [putting on accent] I tell you what, if that Fernando Alonso twats into our car, his Ferrari'll be buggered. I'll tell ye that for nowt.
James: Funny, my dad worked in pit, and now I've got a job in pit.
Jeremy: They're replacing T'oyota and they've sang' Timo Glock, who presumably is currently learning why it's important to punch anyone who looks at 'im funny.

[Talking about Jeremy's 1st VW ad featuring a Scirocco Diesel and some explosions]]]
Jeremy: What do you think of that?
James: It's rubbish.
Jeremy: Why is it rubbish?
James: It's not funny, and it's not true. We've been to see those clever blokes in the agency, they've told us what VW advertising is like. How can you hint at 55 miles to the gallon with an explosion?
Jeremy: Well what have you got?

[Talking about Lamborghinis]
Jeremy: Let me put it this way: a picnic, okay? If you went, you'd want the Germans to make the hamper so the handles don't fall off, but you'd want the Italians to make the food, yes? That's what you get with that [points to Murciélago]; it's a German-Italian picnic where the Italians have done what they're good at and the Germans have done what they're good at. With this [points to Gallardo], the Germans have done ze food.

[Talking about Porsches vs Ferrarris]
Jeremy:... It's like David Attenborough. I respect David Attenborough, I mean just, infinite respect, in the same way I respect that car. But I have no passion for him; I don't want to make love to him.
Richard: Yeah but... [audience laughing] But I have respect and passion for the 911.
Jeremy: There you are, you just admitted on television that you wanna make love to David Attenborough.

[Talking about the Gallardo Balboni]
Richard: According to Top Gear research, 47% of caravanners enjoy wife swapping. Think what will happen when the keys for this baby come out the pot! Oh, yeah!

[talking about the hovercraft]
Jeremy: Now, listen chaps, I have had the pleasure of driving one of these before and there are one or two things I need to tell you. First of all, okay, if you see an obstacle, like if we're going over there, if you see one of those trees coming towards you--too late, you're gonna hit it.
Richard: Alright, okay.
Jeremy: Well, you're not worried about that?
Richard: Well, if that's what happens��.
Jeremy: You'll turn the handlebars, that won't make any difference--straight on, okay? So you think, "Alright, I'll lift off the power, the air will come out of the sack, it'll dig in and you'll be jettisoned at 50 miles an hour into the tree--
Richard: Oh, so you hit the tree with or without the hovercraft.
Jeremy: Yes, that's your choice.

[Talking about the Porsche Boxster Spyder's "clever" gearbox]
Richard: It's got a very clever gearbox, it's called the... *stumbles*
Jeremy: Is it German?
Richard: It's a German name, it's really complicated..
Jeremy: Oh God..
Richard: So can I just spell this out, it's a D, O, P, P, E, L.. K.. U.. P, P.. L... U... N, G... S.. G.. E, T, R.. I, E, B.. E.
[Talking about a long German word for a gearbox]
Jeremy: Do you know what that means? You speak German.
James: I do.
Jeremy: What's the only German you can say?
James: Aber ja, natürlich Hans nass ist, er steht unter einem Wasserfall.
Jeremy: What's that mean?
James: "Naturally Hans is wet, he's standing under a waterfall."
Richard: Ok...
[Audience laughs]
James: I use it all the time.

[Talking about their new dog, Top Gear Dog (TGD), being a Labradoodle (Labrador-Poodle cross)]
Jeremy: Yeah, that makes her a hybrid. We were going to call her "Prius", but that would have been cruel... and she would have eaten a lot more than we were expecting.

[Talking about what would be the best car to take on a Grand Tour of Europe]
Richard: What you want for a Grand Tour is engine at the front, nice comfy suspension, four seats and a boot for all your luggage
Jeremy: Exactly, like the Aston
Richard: Well, yeah, it's the best... apart from the fact that the Ferrari costs £140,000, the Lambo £150,000 and the Aston is the best part of £170,000
Jeremy: Yes
Richard: And it's the slowest to 60mph.
Jeremy: Yes
Richard: And it's got the smallest top speed
Jeremy: Yes. But... [pointing to the Ferrari] that's a V8, [pointing to the Lamborghini] that's a V10, [pointing to the Aston] that's a V12. MORE, [emphasising the difference in height between himself and Hammond] is better.

[Talking with Guy Ritchie]
Jeremy: Now obviously - I'm sorry about this - I'm sure a lot of people are going to expect a lot of tittle-tattle about Madonna. Can I just say? This isn't Loose Women. So there'll be none of that. This is Top Gear and I'm more interested in your love of winching. [to audience] No, I'm not kidding, ok. You like - what's it called? Off-green-laning? Off-roading?
Guy: Green-laning and a bit winching. There's nothing like a good winch. As you know, It's a thing. I mean, it's quite a nerdy undertaking.
Jeremy: No, no, but there is. Because there are people who deliberately get stuck... [Guy smiles and nods] Don't tell me you're one of those? So you winch yours- you do don't you?
Guy: I mean, if you're into winching, you get stuck.
Jeremy: And so then you can get out - winch yourself out?
Guy: Yeah, well, if you don't get stuck you can't winch, so you deliberately look to get stuck.
Jeremy: I just find that fasci- cause what's the big appeal of winching a car?
Guy: It doesn't make any sense at all. Why should you want to get a car stuck and then get it out? But I gotta tell ya - it's a lot of fun. I can't believe I'm talking so much about winching.