[lifts the Citroen's bonnet] Holy moley! What manner of terrible thing has happened under my bonnet? It's actually had diarrhoea, is what's happened here.
S15 E4July 18th, 2010
[at the beach]
I, um, have had to leave some of the panels at the camp site. Well, all of them, pretty much, and that, um... [we see Richard inside the back of the Land Rover, which has no panels] ...has sort of compromised privacy, rather. [a crowd of men on the beach watch him] Yeah, they're not gonna go, are they?
Sitrep. Don't like driving my Citroen, don't like sleeping in my Citroen, almost certainly won't like cooking in it either.
[Richard Hammond has set fire to his motor home while trying to cook part of a three-course meal, and it has spread rapidly after failing to extinguish it]
He's actually set fire to metal, how's he done that?!
[after they leave the campsite]
[over the walkie-talkie] James May.
[also over the walkie-talkie] Jeremy Clarkson.
What's it like driving around under a bucket of your own faeces?
Are you going to fall over today for our entertainment? [Jeremy laughs]
[as they drive over a bridge and his block of flats starts to sway again] Woah!... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
[while Jeremy is supposed to be getting an ice cream for James and Richard...]
[narrating] While Jeremy was gone, I'm afraid we hatched a plan.[speaking to James] You see where it drops away to the edge of the cliff?
Yeah.
If we pushed his car there, just park it on the edge. He won't be able to go forwards obviously...
I know what you're thinking.
...He'd never back it up.
That's brilliant!
Go on stick it down there, 'cause he'll see it from the bottom, he'll see the tower on the edge. [laughs]
He's taken the [keys].
Well push it, push it, push it!
[they start to push Jeremy's block of flats to the edge]
[cut to Jeremy who is licking an ice-cream on the pier, with the three cars on a cliff in the far background]
That's good. [takes another lick] That's very good.
[cut back to James and Richard]
The handbrake's off.
Just get it, just get it right to the edge...
Yeah yeah.
I reckon if we...
Oh hang on...
That's not...
Oh f***..!
[cut to Jeremy]
In weather like this, amongst scenery like that, holidaying in England...[takes a lick of the ice-cream]...even in a motor-home does make sense. [to the cameraman] Is that alright?
[as he's saying this his block of flats tumbles over the cliff, disintegrating into rubble in the process]
[seeing the crew look behind him] What?[turns to look, sees the wreckage of his car lying on the beach, and turns back] What's that?
[During the news]
As you know, last week, there was some sort of football match on at the same time as us so I just wondered, who here watched Top Gear last week? Hands up if you did.
[Everyone except for Jeremy raises their hands]
I did! It was great! Jeremy? You?
I couldn't watch it.
Well, I be honest, I found the bit with the wedding a bit cringeworthy but I struggled on and made it to—
No, I mean that I couldn't watch it because I was in Johannesburg.
Watching the finals. Oh great! So, the one week where we wanted to call in a bit of loyalty and you decided to go to South Africa and watch a Dutchman kick a Spaniard in the heart.
Yes, I did.
S15 E5July 25th, 2010
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, Cameron Diaz in our reasonably-priced car! I repeat: Cameron Diaz in our reasonably-priced car! And she's brought Tom Cruise along!
[On the Stig]
Some say the Scottish released him a little bit too soon. (crowd laughs) And that he spent all week pushing an effigy of Rubens Barrichello through his desk fan. All we know is, he's called the Stig!
[during the news]
Now normally I wouldn't bring this up, but Citroën UK has appointed a new sales director OK? And his name is Charles Peugeot. [laughter]
No, it isn't!
I have photographic proof from Citroën [photo is shown on screen, proving that he is indeed named Charles Peugeot]
It is! What were they thinking? What's his email address gonna be, charles.peugeot@citroën! [audience laughs]
Hang on, hang on! What if they are lots of people called Charles Peugeot working at Citroën, so he ends up being [dissolves into laughter], charles.peugeot405! Sorry, it wasn't worth it!
S15 E6August 1st, 2010
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, Richard wears a towel, James and I eat some crisps, and a fly is in our reasonably-priced car.
[On the Stig]
Some say he's recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym of "Lady Gaga", and that under his racing suit, he also wears a red g-string and suspenders. All we know is, he's called the Stig!
[On Jeff Goldblum's lap]
Here's what a little bird has told me, you did the entire lap, apart from the start, in third gear?
JGJeff Goldblum
Well, this is the first I've heard that that might not be advisable. [laughter]
[to Richard] Could you just make that go a bit further in the back?
[adjusting Jeremy's seat belt] I don't want you to ever say that to me again!
Has The Stig ever been to a car wash before?
No, it'll be a whole new experience for him.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.