Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons
Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6
Season 7
Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
Season 12
Season 13
Season 14
Season 15
Season 16
Season 17
Season 18
[tapping on a mangled fender after running the Hilux into a tree]
Jeremy: That'll buff out.
Jeremy: That'll buff out.
[testing Hammond's stretched MG]
Jeremy: Where is the heater?
Richard: Well, that is a problem, because it - the engine, of course, is at the back, and the pipes, I - it hasn't got one!
Jeremy: You're the stupidest man I've ever met.
[on his stretched Fiat Panda]
Jeremy: I had to lop seven feet out of the middle (to make it road-legal) but it is now quite nippy, 'cause it's only eight feet longer than a bus!
Lemar: (to James May): Remember,earlier,when I was talking about circles? I mean,Harrods,I've seen it twice,I don't need to see it a third time.
Jeremy: Where is the heater?
Richard: Well, that is a problem, because it - the engine, of course, is at the back, and the pipes, I - it hasn't got one!
Jeremy: You're the stupidest man I've ever met.
[on his stretched Fiat Panda]
Jeremy: I had to lop seven feet out of the middle (to make it road-legal) but it is now quite nippy, 'cause it's only eight feet longer than a bus!
Lemar: (to James May): Remember,earlier,when I was talking about circles? I mean,Harrods,I've seen it twice,I don't need to see it a third time.
[testing his Land Rover Discovery on a makeshift ice circuit]
James: This is the best way to get the power of the big V8 down onto the ice: with 4WD; intelligent differentials; intelligent traction control; not just booting it, and shouting.
James: This is the best way to get the power of the big V8 down onto the ice: with 4WD; intelligent differentials; intelligent traction control; not just booting it, and shouting.
[testing Jeremy's redecorated Mercedes, with its concrete floor]
Richard: Sixty miles an hour!
James: [tripping stopwatch] Thirty-five point four seconds!
Richard: Sixty miles an hour!
James: [tripping stopwatch] Thirty-five point four seconds!
[testing the Ariel Atom]
Jeremy: So stick that in your sport exhaust, Mr. Kawasaki.
Jeremy: So stick that in your sport exhaust, Mr. Kawasaki.
[testing the Daihatsu Copen's man-compatibility with a member of the audience]
Richard: Oh my Lord.
James: What do you reckon?
Jeremy: He was fine... until the door slammed, and now he looks like a berk.
Richard: Oh my Lord.
James: What do you reckon?
Jeremy: He was fine... until the door slammed, and now he looks like a berk.
[testing the flappy paddle gearshift in the Citroën C3 Pluriel]
Richard: It's hopeless. I'm changing gear, right, I'm going to put it in second to go round this corner, that's OK, now I'm going to wait for third... and now it's changed. And I'm going to select fourth... no... oh! Now I've got it. [addressing the car] Wha - HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE ON?!
Richard: It's hopeless. I'm changing gear, right, I'm going to put it in second to go round this corner, that's OK, now I'm going to wait for third... and now it's changed. And I'm going to select fourth... no... oh! Now I've got it. [addressing the car] Wha - HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE ON?!
[The ADAC Test Results]
Richard: What would be a good score on this? A new car will score, a good car?
ADAC Man: 150 points.
Jeremy: I will go first with my score. Are we ready? 58!
James: 58. That's good. (looks at the results) 19!
Jeremy: 19? That's not so good.
James: No.
Jeremy: Hammond?
Richard: 6!
(James bursts in laughter, followed by the ADAC Man.)
...
Jeremy: Would you say the BMW is dangerous?
ADAC Man: Yes.
Richard: What would be a good score on this? A new car will score, a good car?
ADAC Man: 150 points.
Jeremy: I will go first with my score. Are we ready? 58!
James: 58. That's good. (looks at the results) 19!
Jeremy: 19? That's not so good.
James: No.
Jeremy: Hammond?
Richard: 6!
(James bursts in laughter, followed by the ADAC Man.)
...
Jeremy: Would you say the BMW is dangerous?
ADAC Man: Yes.
[The morning after they have first set camp in the Amazon]
Richard: [voiceover] To get away from the creepy crawlies, I decided to seek refuge in my car.
Richard: [opens door] Ooooookay... [Then shuts it again] Guys..!
Richard: [voiceover] To get away from the creepy crawlies, I decided to seek refuge in my car.
Richard: [opens door] Ooooookay... [Then shuts it again] Guys..!
[the presenters, in their small cars, are driving through Parliament Square protesting through loudspeakers]
Jeremy: What do we want?!
Both: ASTON MARTINS!
Jeremy: When do we want them?!
Both: NOW!
Jeremy: What do we want?!
Both: ASTON MARTINS!
Jeremy: When do we want them?!
Both: NOW!
[The steam engine has had a water injector malfunction, then resume operation]
Jeremy: You know they say steam engines have moods��
Engineer: It was its time of the month for about ten minutes.
Jeremy: You know they say steam engines have moods��
Engineer: It was its time of the month for about ten minutes.
[The Stig is driving their modified Avantime around the track]
Jeremy: Look at that! It looks like a touring car! A French, plastic touring car, but a touring car none the less!
Jeremy: Look at that! It looks like a touring car! A French, plastic touring car, but a touring car none the less!
[The three are driving a Renault Avantime around the track]
Jeremy: So, this is six years old and everything works -- which is odd because most Renaults...
Richard: ...six minutes!
Jeremy: So, this is six years old and everything works -- which is odd because most Renaults...
Richard: ...six minutes!
[The three take their convertible people carrier through a car wash]
Jeremy: Uh... it's on fire.
Richard: What?! It can't be on fire! [He looks] It's on fire.
Jeremy: It's on fire. Just run. Just run.
[The three run off... and after the film]
Jeremy: The thing is, we managed to set fire to something that's basically made of water!
Richard: How did you do that? Did you see the owner of the car wash afterwards?
Jeremy: He was...
Richard: Cross. Very cross.
James: He was especially cross when I rang him up and asked if we could have our three pounds fifty back.
Jeremy: Uh... it's on fire.
Richard: What?! It can't be on fire! [He looks] It's on fire.
Jeremy: It's on fire. Just run. Just run.
[The three run off... and after the film]
Jeremy: The thing is, we managed to set fire to something that's basically made of water!
Richard: How did you do that? Did you see the owner of the car wash afterwards?
Jeremy: He was...
Richard: Cross. Very cross.
James: He was especially cross when I rang him up and asked if we could have our three pounds fifty back.
[The Top Gear Awards]
James: Now, elsewhere in the world, awards are awarded to reward excellence. But here, on the Top Gear awards, we like to award an award that rewards a car that we found particularly unrewarding... in 2... 2004... that's not quite right, is it?
Richard: And the Hyundai Accent, which is wretched, whatever engine it has, but we were particularly depressed with three-cylinder diesel version. It really is less fun than drowning!
Jeremy: (After being presented the Golden Cock award) "I am the Golden Cock!"
James: Now, elsewhere in the world, awards are awarded to reward excellence. But here, on the Top Gear awards, we like to award an award that rewards a car that we found particularly unrewarding... in 2... 2004... that's not quite right, is it?
Richard: And the Hyundai Accent, which is wretched, whatever engine it has, but we were particularly depressed with three-cylinder diesel version. It really is less fun than drowning!
Jeremy: (After being presented the Golden Cock award) "I am the Golden Cock!"