[Q: Can I afford it?]
Jeremy: Prices start at around £8500, but you need £11000 to get a decent, mid-range model, so if you have £11000 to spend on a car, then yes you can. But if you've only got 40p, then... no... y-you can't.

[Q: Is it green?]
Jeremy: Yes. Very.
[We see the Fiesta in the background. It is, indeed, painted green.]

[racing two speed climbers in an Audi RS4]
Jeremy: I will not be beaten by two adrenaline junkies who call everyone "dude."

[reacting to the English Channel challenge]
Jeremy: I'm 47 years old. I'm gonna be run down by a Korean grain carrier and minced.
Richard: Yeah. But what a day!

[reading a letter of warning on the Mercedes-Benz CLK63 AMG Black]
Jeremy: "The traction control must stay on." Sounds dangerous. [he smiles broadly]

[reading his police slogan]
Jeremy: "In jail no one can hear you scream" - scary.

[Reading some of the questions from the safe driving course]
Jeremy: "You have a blowout on the motorway..." - one for you here, Hammond! (referring to 9.1 where Hammond crashed)

[Reading the first challenge]
Jeremy: In less developed countries such as Australia and America, people like to personalise their vehicles. You must now do the same.
Jeremy: [Looking at his lorry] I'm gonna need a hell of a lot of paint...

[Reading the first part of the challenge]
Jeremy: Since you can buy Rolexes here for a fiver and lunch for 50p, you're standing in the world's biggest Pound shop. You should therefore have no trouble at all buying some wheels for fifteen million ??ng.

[reading the French President's remarks on the Millau Bridge]
Jeremy: "A modern France, an enterprising, successful France, a France which invests in the future..." - He forgot to mention the fact, that the architect was British!

[Reading the information Audi sent them on the new gearbox for the Audi TT.]
Jeremy: As on conventional manual gearboxes, the transmission ratios are present on input and auxilliary shafts in the form of pairs of toothed wheels. In contrast to manual gearboxes, the input shaft is divided into two sections. It comprises an outer hollow shaft and... Oh, look! Are there any engineers here? Is there anyone here who has that first, tiny grasp of engineering?
Richard: I mean, is it an automatic or a manual even?
Jeremy: [pointing to an audience member] You! You have. Look, I'm going to give you this and by the end of we've finished the news I want to understand that gearbox. Work it out. It's your homework.

[Reading the main challenge]
James: You'll now attempt to achieve in eight days what the Americans failed to achieve in ten years: get from the south of Vietnam to the north. You will ride from [laughs] here in Saigon to Ha Long City, near the Chinese border, which is one thousand miles away.
[Jeremy looks daunted]
James: That is excellent!
Richard: Wow!
James: That is the best challenge we've ever had!
Richard: That's fa-- I'm going. I'm getting--Get his bike started. [runs back to his bike]
James: Honestly, that is fantastic. [leaves too]
Jeremy: I just-- I can't do that. I can't do-- Guys, I can't do that! I can't ride a bike. I'm sorry, this is stupid. [points to crew behind the camera] And I'm not joking, it is-- I don't know who came up with this, but it's daft.
Richard: I think it's brilliant! I'm more excited than anything we've ever done.
James: I can't believe you're being a misery-guts.
Jeremy: Because it's a thousand miles in the rainy season...!
Richard: I know, that's the best thing about it!
Jeremy: ...a thousand miles, in the rainy season, in a country with not very good roads, and I can't ride a bike!

[Reading the third (or maybe last) question from the safe driving course]
Jeremy: What's the primary hazard facing drivers when driving at night? Anybody want to hazard a guess at that? No hang on, this is [straining to hear an answer from the audience] go on, what? Dark. Anything else?
Guy in the audience: Germans!
[Audience laughs]
Jeremy: Germans.
Richard: These are all valid, valid points.
Jeremy: None of these things are on my list, anybody else got any thoughts?
Another guy in the audience: Peasants!
Both (laughing): Peasants.
Jeremy: No. It's, um, glare from other vehicles' headlamps. Cyclists in dark clothing; it's their own fault for not working hard enough, not having a car.

[reading viewer mail]
Richard: "Hi, Jeremy!" With an exclamation mark. Very irritating. This is from Claire, and she signed it with a little X, which is like a little kiss. "My boyfriend has just bought a new Audi A3." Fair enough. "Now he's driving me mad with this new game he has where he tries to plip the remote locking from as far away as possible. Is he normal?" Yes! Clearly!

[realizing he installed the driver's seat backwards in the Caterham Challenge]
Jeremy: How did I do that?