Top Gear quotes

Jeremy

And here is the really amazing bit. This is what's called a "self-replenishing drinks cabinet". For the first year you own the car, when your drink supplies are getting low, they come 'round and top them up free of charge!

Richard

Wow! Wow!

James

Do I have to buy the car, or can I just have the self-replenishing drinks cabinet?

Jeremy

Honestly, I tell you what: if I bought this car, the diesel in the tank after one year would be exactly the same as it was when it came.

Richard

You'd still be in the same field. I tried drinking the diesel but then the man arrived with more champagne! I just want one of those!

Jeremy

No, it is. I mean really and truthfully, this is the car to buy if you are sensible... or if you're a drunk!

Jeremy

Some say that the drinks cabinet in his car contains fourteen different types of custard. And that while he has been known to leave his house in a bit of a hurry, he's never once hit a fire hydrant. All we know he's called the Stig!

Jeremy

Now obviously - I'm sorry about this - I'm sure a lot of people are going to expect a lot of tittle-tattle about Madonna. Can I just say? This isn't Loose Women. So there'll be none of that. This is Top Gear and I'm more interested in your love of winching. [to audience] No, I'm not kidding, ok. You like - what's it called? Off-green-laning? Off-roading?

Green-laning and a bit winching. There's nothing like a good winch. As you know, It's a thing. I mean, it's quite a nerdy undertaking.

Jeremy

No, no, but there is. Because there are people who deliberately get stuck... [Guy smiles and nods] Don't tell me you're one of those? So you winch yours- you do don't you?

I mean, if you're into winching, you get stuck.

Jeremy

And so then you can get out - winch yourself out?

Yeah, well, if you don't get stuck you can't winch, so you deliberately look to get stuck.

Jeremy

I just find that fasci- cause what's the big appeal of winching a car?

It doesn't make any sense at all. Why should you want to get a car stuck and then get it out? But I gotta tell ya - it's a lot of fun. I can't believe I'm talking so much about winching.

Jeremy

Tonight! I get scared half to death on our track. We host our own arts exhibition, and the world champion is in our Reasonably Priced Car.

Jeremy

Some say that you shouldn't go round to his house for your Christmas lunch unless you enjoy the great taste of seagull. And that the reason he always wears a helmet is because a man once smashed him in the face with a model of Salisbury Cathedral. All we know is, he's called the Stig.

James

All this is yours for 140,000 pounds. Now that is quite a bit more expensive than Porsche's four-door, the Panamera, but, there are two very good reasons why you should choose the Aston Martin. Firstly, and unlike the Porsche, it does look rather magnificent. And secondly, most importantly, this is quintessentially British. Despite the fact that it's made in Austria. Which I think is in Germany.

Jeremy

MY EYES!

Richard

You cretin!

Jeremy

[also laughing] I'm blind!

James

Look at this! It's a fork on one end and a 10mm ring spanner on the other!

Richard

[Pointing at James] And the best thing is, there is another spanner in the middle, look!

James

Why are you drunk in all the pictures?

Richard

Well, I don't know, I haven't seen - looks like all the pictures were taken coming out of awards ceremonies, so yes, I probably was drunk.

Jeremy

Why does everything always get broken in our Christmas thing?

I'll tell you, I'm not giving him mouth-to-mouth, that's for sure.

You sprayed my helmet!

Jeremy

You shot one of my testicles- Oh, I see, that helmet!

Can we edit the spin out?

Jeremy

Yes, we can edit that out.

You promise?

Jeremy

This is like a scene from Reservoir Dogs.

Richard

Don't give us ideas.

Jeremy

Guys?

Richard

What?

Jeremy

Where did you find that car?

Richard

Well, it was just outside with all the rest of them for this.

Jeremy

'Cause it says here, RJ04 RWZ, it's a rental car.