[Just before the rain starts to fall]
[voiceover] Still, at least I'd been assured it wouldn't rain.
[And with that, the heavens open. Jeremy and James ride along, soaked by the torrential rain]
Name an upside to this, May! Name ONE upside!
Well, you're not hot anymore, are you?
My light's dying. It's dying, my light's dying!
[voiceover] There was an upside though. Richard's Taliban bike had decided it liked the rain even less than me.
Come on now! [hops up and down whilst still on his bike] That's not so effective as I'd hoped it would be.
[shouting whilst driving through a big puddle] Oh my god! What the hell is going on in my life?! Why has my life gone so wrong?!
[still shouting] It's not!
[Getting annoyed] It is! Stop whining!
[Jeremy and James passing a small truck]
Hit that. Cheer me up--kill yourself.
[James overtakes Jeremy and begins to sing The Beach Boys' "Little Honda"]
#I'll take you anywhere you want to go, I'll ride my Honda tonight-#
[Ignoring him] #First gear, it's all right. Second gear, I lean right. Third gear, hold on tight#
[James has run out of fuel in the pouring rain]
Cock. This is a massive "Oh, cock". How can it have run out? That rain makes a really annoying noise on my colander-- helmet. And it comes through.
[later]
this nice man has stopped on an old Russian motorcycle and I think he's going to give me some petrol. What a nice man. In fact, I think I'll pay him. [he starts to remove of his gloves, then sighs] Me d?ng's going to be all soggy, isn't it?
[After bring told that they couldn't get any more spare parts for their bikes and found out that the "backup transport", if they couldn't keep their bikes going with tools is a Honda Chaly mini-bike with a "Stars and Stripes" paint job]
Oh, God, I don't think so!
It's slightly conspicuous
[some music starts playing loudly, it's "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen, it's the "Star Spangled Banner" in the DVD edition]
That's "Born in the USA", evidently.
[some thunder rumbles and some Vietnamese start running towards them in the distance]
That's thunder...and the village...have you noticed there was a rumble of thunder, and the village arrived..? I-...
[He struggles to find the right words]
Children, if you're watching this at home and you don't know why this is inappropriate, ask your parents, but this is as inappropriate a bike as it is humanly possible to conceive.
[After being asked a question in Vietnamese]
[In English, completely guessing what she asked] Always give way to the car from the right!
[Whole class bursts out laughing]
You had a one in a hundred chance of being right, but it was in the wrong language.
[The steam engine has had a water injector malfunction, then resume operation]
You know they say steam engines have moods…
EEngineer
It was its time of the month for about ten minutes.
[About the London to Edinburgh race]
When we left the action, Jeremy was in the lead just approaching Doncaster, I was in second place and, as you would expect, Captain Slow was bringing up the rear...
...Hoping to take me from behind.
And then press home his advantage and take Jeremy in the tunnel...
Stop saying things like that!
