[on the Mercedes-Benz CLS 55 AMG]
Jeremy: Look - it's telling me the brakes have overheated and I should "Drive Carefully". [reluctantly] All right, I'll back it off to 140, but that's it. I'm having too much fun.

[on the Mercedes-Benz CLS 55 AMG]
Jeremy: The back seats aren't terribly comfortable, but they'll do for a short trip to the golf club. And you would be going to the golf club actually, because the satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations and golf courses. Everything the modern Mercedes-driver needs...

[on the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren]
Richard: So much grip! It'll crease the road before it lets go, I'm sure.

[on the MG 6]
Jeremy: I don't think the factory where it's being made is very in Longbridge is Modern at all, because I've got the press release they sent out here and it says the first car was driven off the line by the only woman who works there.
Richard: That's not very modern, is it.
Jeremy: No.
Richard: Did they go on to say, "and best of all, she has a smashing pair of knockers!"
James: Don't tell me, it says next "Don't worry chaps, we'll let her drive it off, but we won't let her park it!"

[On the MG SV.]
Jeremy: If Oliver Reed and Russell Crowe made mad man-love on the set of Gladiator in an angry brawl, this would be the result.

[on the MG XPower SV]
Jeremy: Inside, it's pretty much as you'd expect: hopeless. I've got no satellite navigation, no electric seats, no airbag, and while there is a third gear - nnnngh! - I don't really have the strength to engage it. Furthermore, this window doesn't go all the way down, as you can see, the antilock brakes are broken, there's nowhere to put my left leg, the dashboard looks like I made it, and half the time the dials come over all Longbridge-ish and go on strike.

[On the Mini Countryman]
Jeremy: It's just stupid. It's the stupidest car I've ever seen. And it gave me crabs.
Richard: What?
James: Crabs?
Jeremy: I meant cramp. Why did I say crabs? How can a car give you crabs?
Richard: I don't know! Tell us!

[on the Mitsubishi Evo VIII and Version 8 Impreza WRX STi
Jeremy: And yet, they're both relatively inexpensive Japanese saloon cars. So they've both got four doors, they've both got big boots, and they're both as reliable as... [hesitates] a Swiss... bus driver's Austrian pacemaker! What more could you possibly want?
[...]
Jeremy: Look at the scoop on this bonnet. And they seem to have given the Evo so many steroids it's started to grow out of its own body. You know what these cars should be called, don't you? The Mitsubishi "Did you spill my pint?", and the Subaru "You. Outside. NOW."
[...]
Jeremy: Trying to decide which is best is hard. They're both spoonbendingly, hallucinogenically, lawbreakingly mad and absurd.

[on the Mitsubishi Evo X]
Jeremy: I've had a 14-year-old set up all the computers for me, so let's see what's what.

[on The Mitsubishi i's deodorizing roof lining]
Jeremy: If you, um, break wind, in the car. The smells are absorbed into the roof lining.
Richard: It's deodorizing, that's what it does. So, basically, the seats absorb your eczema, and the roof lining absorbs your fart. Which is very clever, but you wouldn't want to buy one second hand now would you?

[on The Mitsubishi i]
Richard: Now, Mitsubishi, you know Mitsubishi, makers of the Evo and all that, they've now introduced a new turbocharged, mid-engine car. Yeah, you want to see it?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Here it is... (Shows the picture of an i car). It's called the i car. No, no, hang on, because it.. it might be ugly, but at least it's.. slow.
[...]
Richard: It's also got hypo-allergenic seats...
Jeremy: What that give you eczema?
Richard: No...
Jeremy: ... Chlamydia?

[on the Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII MR FQ400]
Jeremy: This is amazing! A fit young racing driver in a supercar and he cannot pull away from a fat man in a four door saloon!
Jeremy: It has this Sonic the Hedgehog arrangement on the roof to help keep it straight and true with speed, and to help it cleave the air more easily, it has shrunken door mirrors which appear to have been modeled on Shrek's ears.

[on the new Jaguar XK, and why its front lifts above 130 mph]
Jeremy: Golf. In the boot, golfists want enough room to put their bats...

[On the new Mitsubishi Lancer and Subaru Impreza]
Richard: And the other thing is, every time they launch a new model, they try and outdo each other with the quantity of letters and numbers after the cars name. So! These are the two new models. This is the Subaru Impreza STi, WRX, WR, 1. And this is the Mitsubishi Lancer Evo. VIII, MR, FQ, 3, 20.

[On the news of the MV Tricolor sinking with nearly 3000 new cars on board]
Jeremy: But there's plenty to talk about. Most important of all, of course, Jacques Cousteau opened a dealership in the English Channel.