[On The Stig]
Some say that after making love, he bites the head off his partner. And that he's had to give up binge drinking now that it's gone to one pound eighteen to a litre. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
S11 E1June 22nd, 2008
[During Top Gear Stuntman's first record attempt to jump cars in reverse]
If you've just tuned in, you may be thinking, 'Oh no, he's facing the wrong way!'. But no, he is about to enter the history books...in reverse.
[Jeremy and James laughing at Richard Hammond's Suzuki Vitara]
Officer Barbie has arrived!
[voiceover] It really was time for a challenge.
We don't yet know what we've gotta do.
Well if it's go to Brighton and pose undercover in gay clubs you're right there already.
[James and Jeremy laugh]
...yeah.
We've got a challenge here, boys.
Please don't let it have the word "Brighton" in it...
[Showing the slogan painted on his Lexus Police Car]
Catching crims and locking them up...in your community.
[upon Jeremy's arrival with his car's Italian-inspired police livery]
Oh, good God. The Carabinieri have arrived.
(N.B. Jeremy's car's paint scheme was actually based on that of the Italian State Police, not the Carabinieri - although real Polizia di Stato cars presumably don't say "IT'S THE FILTH" in reversed letters, "ECNALUBMA"-style, on the bonnets.)
[reading his police slogan]
"In jail no one can hear you scream" - scary.
All you're going to do with this [indicates Jeremy's rear-wheel spike attachments] is generate headlines: "POLICE CHOP MORE PEOPLE'S FEET OFF".
[During the Police Car challenge, on sirens]
[voiceover] James then demonstrated his siren... [James' Lexus plays "Camptown Races" in a cheesy electronic voice]...which he'd got from an ice-cream van.
They're gonna be really impressed with that on an American police video.
No, they stop for an ice-cream. And then they're nicked.
May I? [voiceover] Mine was much more high-tech. [Shows Clarkson pressing button on child's sound toy, the car moos] Oh, wait, no, that's the cow.
[upon Richard's arrival]
The Pet Cop Boys are here. No, wait. [reads Richard's car-door graphic] The Police.
Yeah, well, the police are coming... [indicates door] "The Police".
De do do do, de da da da.
[During the Police Car challenge, about Hammond's 'stinger']
[voiceover] It was unmistakably a doormat with some nails in it.
[[as the Stig begins a lap in a standard-issue police Astra]
He's proceeding! In a westerly direction.
Hope you like prison food, crims... looking good... cock!
What is it? "Ambitious, but rubbish."
So we're now watching James, in a hot pursuit situation?
Yeah. How long have you got before you have to go home tonight?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.