[while Jeremy is speaking before the panel of experts]
James: Oh look, I found Jeremy's notes: Trousers, fat, Hitler, Teige, Mazda, Alfa, modernism, minimalism.

[while Jeremy is supposed to be getting an ice cream for James and Richard...]
Richard: [narrating] While Jeremy was gone, I'm afraid we hatched a plan.[speaking to James] You see where it drops away to the edge of the cliff?
James: Yeah.
Richard: If we pushed his car there, just park it on the edge. He won't be able to go forwards obviously...
James: I know what you're thinking.
Richard: ...He'd never back it up.
James: That's brilliant!
Richard: Go on stick it down there, 'cause he'll see it from the bottom, he'll see the tower on the edge. [laughs]
James: He's taken the [keys].
Richard: Well push it, push it, push it!
[they start to push Jeremy's block of flats to the edge]
[cut to Jeremy who is licking an ice-cream on the pier, with the three cars on a cliff in the far background]
Jeremy: That's good. [takes another lick] That's very good.
[cut back to James and Richard]
James: The handbrake's off.
Richard: Just get it, just get it right to the edge...
James: Yeah yeah.
Richard: I reckon if we...
James: Oh hang on...
Richard: That's not...
James: Oh f***..!
[cut to Jeremy]
Jeremy: In weather like this, amongst scenery like that, holidaying in England...[takes a lick of the ice-cream]...even in a motor-home does make sense. [to the cameraman] Is that alright?
[as he's saying this his block of flats tumbles over the cliff, disintegrating into rubble in the process]
Jeremy: [seeing the crew look behind him] What?[turns to look, sees the wreckage of his car lying on the beach, and turns back] What's that?

[while on a cable car to Nokogiri-yama]
Richard: So at the top here there is a Buddha...to road safety. Wouldn't it be brilliant if we got there and Jeremy's GT-R was buried in the middle of it?
[both begin to imitate Jeremy]
James: Watch this, I'm here.
Richard: Oh dear!
James: Bang!

[While playing a game of ice hockey]
Jeremy: Hammond, in the sin bin!
Richard: I can't believe I got sin binned, for what?
Jeremy: Go on ITV, and you get sin binned. It's that simple.
Richard: [voiceover] With me shackled, Prime Time bought the scores to 5-4.
James: [scoring a goal] Yeah!
Richard: Oh, come on, ref!
Jeremy: Hammond, you may rejoin...
[Hammond drives a few feet forward]
Jeremy: ...and that's the end of the game, everybody!

[while playing Gran Turismo 4]
Jeremy: I am going to pick a track, we'll go for a real one... Laguna Seca and now we have to pick a car. TVR Tuscan, nope too much of a handful. Aston Martin DB9. That's not a racing car, that's just pornography.
Series 8

[While racing the Peugeot 207 against the parkour boys]
James: I'm not going to be beaten by some pre-pubescent teenagers in camouflaged trousers.

[while reviewing the McLaren MP4-12C]
Jeremy: When you drive a Lamborghini it's like you're operating a horse with some mustard stuck up its bottom, but when you drive this -- it's like you're operating the sort of machine they use, I imagine, in ophthalmic surgery

[While test driving the Mitsuoka Orochi]
James: [voiceover] It costs forty-four thousand pounds and it's made by a company called Mitsuoka.
James: You've probably never heard of them either, but they are a proper, Japanese car maker. In fact, they're the tenth biggest car maker in the country, after Toyota, Nissan, Honda and six others.

[While testing a Ferrari Enzo borrowed from Pink Floyd drummer Nick Mason.]
Jeremy: Ummagumma!

[while testing the McLaren's suspension on the corner of Bentley Bend on the Top Gear test track]
Jeremy: You'd get more of a jolt if you drove a Rolls-Royce over a Jaffa cake.

[while The Stig is at the wheel]
Jeremy: ...and even though the missing splitter was ruining the handling, nothing was gonna stop him - nothing!
Richard: Right now, at this very moment, the computers tell us The Stig is having a wee in the car - and I'm next... [grins nervously]

[while trying to clear a ten-mile mountain pass, the Snowbine goes into a tank-slapper and causes Hammond to fall over backwards whilst shovelling grit, Jeremy laughs]
Richard: [screams] Where's my wedding ring?! I've lost my wedding ring!
Jeremy: Has it gone in the thing?
Richard: It must have done!
Jeremy: [voiceover] Soon, though, we had bigger things to worry about than Hammond's ring.
[the Snowbine crashes into a massive heap of snow in front of it and comes to a stop]

[While trying to take down his mast]
James: What is it actually caught on?
Both: The security camera.

[Whilst driving through London in the Peel P50]
Jeremy: There's something I just realised. I have to pay congestion charge in this part of London. But the camera crew in the Lexus 4x4 don't because it's a hybrid. How fair is that?! I mean, it's not like I'm creating any pollution at all! [accelerates, leaving a trail of smoke behind him]

[Whilst in the carwash in the Espace convertible]
Jeremy: I'm dry still.
[a moment later]
Jeremy: I'M WET NOW!!