[The Top Gear Presenters are driving through a Norwegian town and are testing the "de-icing" implement of their "Snowbine", which is essentially a flamethrower. Naturally, this makes Jeremy very excited.]
Jeremy: [a la Arthur Brown] I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE AND I BRING YOU...
[he sends out a jet of flame behind the Snowbine]
Jeremy: ...FIRE!

[the trio debate Clarkson's haircut]
James: I had mine cut last week and you said having a hair cut on the studio day was "gay".
Jeremy: I said you should spend more than four pounds on a hair cut James, that's what I actually said.
James: So why didn't you?

[They've made camp and night has fallen]
Jeremy: [Showing a book about insects to Hammond, who has a phobia of them] This is a book about all the creatures that live in the rainforest that Mr Sting hasn't told us about. Would you like to hear about... the Brazilian wandering spider?
Richard: [Looking uncomfortable] Not really no.
Jeremy: Causes around five human fatalities a year. Lives on the forest floor.
[Hammond turns on a toy dinosaur shaped head torch, which quietly screeches a few times]
Jeremy: What is that?
Richard: Head torch. I'm looking for a, what was it called a wandering spi-?
Jeremy: Ooh, the botfly, now this is a marvellous thing. The botfly cannot sting a human directly, but captures smaller insects, lays its larvae upon them and then releases them. If the smaller host insect then bites the human, the botfly larvae are impregnated into the skin. The larvae then pupates inside the skin, at which point they eat their way out and fly away. The BBC Natural History Unit reports the case of a man, who was bitten behind the ear, and was kept awake at night by the sound of the botfly larvae eating the flesh inside his head.
[Cut to view of the moon]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Hammond didn't have a good night.
[Cut to outside Hammond's tent]
Richard: [From inside his tent] What's that? Aaagh! Ah! Stick insects! Something's honestly landed- there's things on my head - oh, what is that?! There's something that just flew in my hair and it's squeaking at me, it's big...!
Jeremy: [voiceover] ...and to be honest, he didn't have a great morning either.
Richard: WHO has done this? [cuts to Richard with one of his trouser legs missing]

[thundering down the road in the Koenigsegg CCX]
Jeremy: Who needs nicotine?!

[to Albanian mechanic]
Jeremy: [gesturing] So, running, then stop.
James: That describes most breakdowns really.

[to an audience member who declared the Subaru Impreza Turbo "common"]
Jeremy: Your job's to shut up.

[to Ford, via the camera, after his new Ford GT had broken down]
Jeremy: If you don't mend it, I'm going to bone your dog!
[he then clarifies this as removing all of the dog's bones]

[to Michael Gambon]
Jeremy: Last time you were here, in the Liana: 1.55. You did it, in the Lacetti, in one minute... [Jeremy starts writing the time down but stops, holding the pen up] Due to the unique way the BBC is funded, the pen doesn't work!

[to Richard on speaking before the museum experts]
Jeremy: Do you know what? We've made amphibious cars, we made a convertible people carrier, I've raced you to Oslo... this is the hardest thing I have ever faced.

[To Simon Pegg in the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car interview]
Jeremy: Now, can I just move on, 'cause films, you're a bit of a buff I gather.
Simon: I am a bit.
Jeremy: Star Wars, in particular.
Simon: Yeah absolutely.
Jeremy: Did you not once write a three-and-a-half thousand word essay on why you thought C3PO was gay?
[Simon giving his explanations]
Simon: And you could argue that C3PO is a kind of emasculated homosexual. Because he's very camp, but he was safe because he didn't have a willy.
Jeremy: Homosexual men have willies.
Simon: He's sexually non-threatening.
Jeremy: Graham Norton's got a willy.
Simon: How do you know?
[Jeremy is now at a loss of words, at which point the audience laughs]

[to the guest French fashion designer, who complained about his eating habits]
Jeremy: What's the matter with chips with vinegar on them?

[To the skiers before the race]
Richard: [speaking French] Hit the ham!

[towing away the torched wreck of their caravan]
Jeremy: All things considered, how do you think the holiday went?
Richard: ...I think "well."

[Trying to adjust the settings in the Maserati Quattroporte GTS]
James: Manual, semi-automatic... oh, these are the weapons! [In the back, Jeremy and Richard laugh]