[Trying to discover what sort of car Richard has bought during the Amphibious Car Challenge]
Jeremy: Hamster! How it's going?
Richard: Very well, thank you, very well indeed!
Jeremy: What are you doing? What've you got?
Richard: Err, it's, it's pretty... I don't wanna tell you, really, but it's pretty... sleek, um, as a road-going vehicle; as a boat I think it's gonna be a winner.
Jeremy: I bet it's a Lotus Esprit, isn't it?
Richard: Well, it's a monocoque [screws up face]. Um, so it, it has sort of sporting... pretensions.
Jeremy: And what're you going in terms of propulsion?
Richard: Uh, well, now, the, the, the, the... lot of power. I'm gonna... I'm gonna fully utilise the onboard power.
Jeremy: [voiceover] Hammond was keeping his cards close to his chest.
James: Hello?
Jeremy: May.
James: Clarkson.
Jeremy: Have you heard the Hamster?
James: Well, yeah, I did, but I can't get much out of him. He's now saying his car is rear-engined, but not a 911. I think he's bought an Hillman Imp and he's making a submarine.

[trying to erect a tent in a high Arctic winds]
James: How [bleep]ing monstrous is this?
Jeremy: It's... it's, beyond... it's not normal.

[Trying to fit a very large "dead body" in the back of a car]
Jeremy: This was hopeless. So rather embarrassingly, we had to ask the man we'd murdered to give us a hand.
[Man stands up, climbs in]

[trying to get a phone number stored on the Mercedes-Benz W220's system]
Jeremy: 349
Female Computer Voice: 249
Jeremy: Why don't you listen?
Female Computer Voice: Dialing.
Jeremy: No! Don't dial that! I don't know who that is, it might be the Queen!

[Trying to pull James's Jimmy off the ramp...]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Having rescued a man from the ooze, the mighty Range Rover would now rescue the little Suzuki.
Jeremy: It's only an ounce to pull.
James: Please be gentle with this, Jeremy, and not a yob.
Jeremy: POWEEERRRRRRRR!!!

[Ugliest Car of the Year]
Jeremy: Now those were the nominations, but I'm overruling all of them. I'm playing my joker and I'm going to say that the winner is the BMW... range!

[upon Jeremy's arrival with his car's Italian-inspired police livery]
James: Oh, good God. The Carabinieri have arrived.
(N.B. Jeremy's car's paint scheme was actually based on that of the Italian State Police, not the Carabinieri - although real Polizia di Stato cars presumably don't say "IT'S THE FILTH" in reversed letters, "ECNALUBMA"-style, on the bonnets.)

[Upon Jeremy's car losing a wheel in said attempt]
Richard: I think it could be time to admit failure.
James:[To Jeremy] You failed to apprehend the miscreant.
Jeremy: We are rubbish at this, aren't we?

[Upon seeing the Stig was leading at the final corner]
Richard: Stiii- [realizing] Jaaames!

[Upon starting the new series]
Jeremy: Now there is actually a problem, really, because, obviously, one of us blokes has now become Princess Diana!

[watching a video of automotive tomfoolery from Saudi Arabia]
Jeremy: This is what happens when you don't let people drink.

[watching himself on tape driving the reasonably-priced car]
Stephen: Look at him, doesn't he look a dick.

[watching Jeremy's £100 Volvo start it's speed run]
Richard: The thing is just not going away! It's still there!

[Watching Michael Gambon in the Suzuki Liana.]
Jeremy: You had to look at the gear lever to change there. Which is kind of like reading moving your lips... which I suppose is what you do for a living really.

[When arguing over the fact that Richard's BMW M3 E36 car is more spacious than Jeremy's Ford Sierra Sapphire Cosworth and James' Mercedes-Benz 190E 2.3-16 Cosworth by the judges]
Jeremy: This is ridiculous!
Richard: The judges' decisions are final!
Jeremy: Say, say the BMW is the most spacious because it was made in Bavaria. It's...that's, that's like saying, "Who's the tallest Top Gear presenter? It's Richard Hammond because he's from Birmingham!".
Richard: No! It's not!
Jeremy "Who's the fastest driver of the three? It's James May because he's wearing his Mum's curtain!"
Richard: No, it really is, it really is the most spacious car. That's the fact, and that's the judges' decision, live with it!