Richard Hammond quotes from Top Gear

Richard

"Hi, Jeremy!" With an exclamation mark. Very irritating. This is from Claire, and she signed it with a little X, which is like a little kiss. "My boyfriend has just bought a new Audi A3." Fair enough. "Now he's driving me mad with this new game he has where he tries to plip the remote locking from as far away as possible. Is he normal?" Yes! Clearly!

Richard

It makes no apologies for what it is, so if you want a comfy ride, get another car. If you want to be cool on a hot day, get another car. If you want height adjustment on the seats... which I don't... get another car.

Richard

Now, technically, that's just wrong. It's like building a pyramid with the pointy bit at the bottom. It was a daft idea when they first did it 40 years ago, and on paper it still is today.

Richard

In the '70s and '80s, the 911 was the Grim Reaper's company car. Huge crowds would gather at roundabouts to watch fat stockbrokers climb trees in their Porsches.

Richard

Look, ma, I'm going sideways!

Richard

The engine's at the wrong end, yeah... so what? Sure, it's a flaw, but it's a flaw like Cindy Crawford's mole. J.Lo's enormous buttocks. It's become its defining feature. It's the whole point of the car. The GT3 is final and absolute proof that evolution works.

Richard

Every summer they arrive, ruining our roads just so they can pull up side by side with their new best friends and pee in a bucket.

Richard

There's no end of sensible, practical cars that'll happily rip your face off, and we owe it all to the M5.

Richard

And we'll find out later if I die.

Richard

[voiceover] And as befits the decade that celebrated being young and groovy, youth created the Miura. The man who designed its gorgeous body was just 22.

Richard

Think about that. What were you doing at 22? At that age the cars I was drawing still had guns on them.

Richard

So, beautiful and ingenious it may have been, but in terms of driving, you were still at the wheel of a bit of a dog's breakfast. The fuel tank was over the front wheels, so as it ran low on fuel, it went light at the front end, which meant you couldn't steer. Nice touch, that. Keeps you on your toes. The interior is, well, tiny, and every now and again the carburettors would spit petrol onto the hot engine and the whole thing would go up in flames. Gooood.

Richard

Lamborghini knew their masterpiece wasn't perfect, and they steadily improved it throughout its life, culminating in this: the SV of 1971. It had a better gearbox, better differential, better tyres, better rear suspension, and these better gold wheels. D'you know what it was? It was better.

Richard

This being a car programme, let's talk about houses.

Richard

Tempted? Well, if you are, you're best off going for one in black or silver with an automatic gearbox. Which is why I'm driving a pink one with a manual box. Obviously.

Richard

But you get to say "Wankel". That's cool! - On telly!

Richard

They earn money, they see stuff in shops, and they buy it. That's just the way most of us are. Me! I'm partial to a shirt!

Richard

That's not bad. I've taxed worse.

Richard

[voiceover] So just why are these cars so modern-Britain? Well, for one thing, they are achingly fashionable, inside and out, with designer touches everywhere.

Richard

Look at that: the brushed aluminium on matte black effect. That's perfection to a bloke, that is. I'd have all my clothes in brushed aluminium on matte black if I could.