[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: we drive like this... (showing a corner being tackled sideways) on the road!!!... Stephen Fry in our Reasonably-Priced Car... and how many caravans can you jump with a Volvo?
“November 2nd, 2003” · Season 3, Episode 2
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (14), Stephen Ladyman (7), James May (5), Richard Hammond (4)
I have some bad news. The Stig is dead.
[on the Isle of Man]
It's like Beverly Hills with kippers.
[on the BMW M3 CSL
Think of it as a BMW with bulimia.
[...]
You even look at that engine, it'll kill you.
[...]
You have to sign a disclaimer before you buy a CSL saying that you understand that the tyres won't work in the rain or if it's a bit chilly. What a car!
[on caravanners]
Every summer they arrive, ruining our roads just so they can pull up side by side with their new best friends and pee in a bucket.
In 1979 in Britain, the BMW M1 cost about £35,000, which sounds very reasonable. Until you discover that the Ferrari 308 GTS was less than 20 grand. And here's another thing, look. [raps on door panel] GRP, or plastic to you - on a BMW. How much worse could it get? Well, while the car was being designed, the rules for sports racing cars were changed, so by the time it came out, it wasn't competitive anyway. What a farce.
There's no end of sensible, practical cars that'll happily rip your face off, and we owe it all to the M5.
Isn't the Isle of Man just amazing?
It's fabulous! It's like someone's gone out and designed Top Gear Fantasy Island specially for us!
Oh, if the Isle of Man was this great, I'd be absolutely blown away by the Isle of Woman.
Yes, the kippers were good --
Yes, but there's no speed limits here, James! "Ooh I know, but the kippers!"
I'd rather the pussy cat than the kipper.
They were good, though!
(To Stephen Fry) Have you, um, have you been to the Isle of Man?
Yes, you go to the airport, you say "I love Man!" and they say, "Not here you don't!"
You could be birched for loving man there.
Yes, which is something people pay a lot of money for in London, so it's like a free service.
Some of the laws they have are fabulous! Handguns, for instance, are legal there! And you can be charged with "furious driving"! I'd love to have that on my licence!
Well, I'm a sort of lefty in a way, but I cannot tell you the overmastering hatred I feel, the waves of disgust when there is that, that frowny-faced woman on the bicycle who looks at you as if you are the symbol of all capitalism and meat-eating and penis-owning - you know, you are the enemy of the people, you are the enemy of the planet, you are globalization - you are Capitalism with a huge cigar - just because you might've slightly blown her off course on her blasted bicycle!
You will never hear anyone say, "Look at that maniac in that Saab!"
I came so close to losing my licence almost exactly a year ago. I was pootling along the M11 at a hundred and *hrm* miles per hour, and fortunately they took an average, which was 99.8.
An average from when you got into the car.
Yes, quite. From the centre of London.
[on the benefits of driving a decommissioned black cab in London]
Other cabs let you in, you know - "cabaraderie", I call it.
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