A character in Top Gear
Played by Jeremy Clarkson
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
Most-quoted character in Top Gear: in 1,331 of its 1,774 quotes
Most scenes with: Richard Hammond (406), James May (323), Stephen Ladyman (5)
[after the build quality test with Jeremy's convertible, he gets out]
Jeremy[his voice is high-pitched from breathing helium] Right. I just have to say, that's a stupid test.
[Richard laughs]
Jeremy[still in a helium voice] It is stupid. It's just a test of how big your lungs are.
[James and Jermemy are lining up their BMW 325 Convertibles for a 0-100-0 drag race]
JeremyIt's not the paving stone in the back I'm worried about; it's the automatic gearbox. Doing a drag race in an auto is like a 100 metre sprint in wellies, full of tadpoles.
[Having reached 100mp/h]:
JeremyNo brakes, no brakes!
[shot pans to flyby of Jeremy's car}
JeremyThis is not stopping!
[shot pans to another flyby]
JeremyPlease STOP!
[James chuckles]
JeremyTonight: Richard wears a blue hat, James wears a different hat, and I wear a hat with things on it.
JeremyYou know when you drive behind the gritting machine and say "Oh no, it's turning my car into a DeLorean!
[The Top Gear Presenters are driving through a Norwegian town and are testing the "de-icing" implement of their "Snowbine", which is essentially a flamethrower. Naturally, this makes Jeremy very excited.]
Jeremy[a la Arthur Brown] I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE AND I BRING YOU...
[he sends out a jet of flame behind the Snowbine]
Jeremy...FIRE!
JeremyIf you think about it, a combine harvester is designed to never work in the snow, or in the rain, or on a hill. It's always flat ground on lovely summer's evenings. It's out of its comfort zone here. [voiceover] Which meant that sadly, so was I.
[Jeremy is shovelling snow off the snow blade]
JeremyJesus!
[On the start-stop-automatic of the BMW M3]
Jeremy[voiceover] In a straight line, it's no faster than the standard car. And around the bends it feels ... exactly the same. Except of course when you eventually spin [showing a spinning M3 with smoking tires] it'll assume you'd have arrived at a set of lights and cut the engine.
Jeremy[shouting] Why have you done that? Nobody arrives at a set of traffic lights backwards in a cloud of tire smoke! [mumbles] Stupid thing!
[On the Stig]
JeremySome say that his favourite disease he had when he was a child was gout. [laughter] And that he was very surprised this week when he was able to pick up some remarkably cheap tickets for the Bahrain Grand Prix. All we know is he's called the Stig!
[on the BMW 1M]
JeremySo, what do we got here? Well, there's a straight-6 engine at the front, a manual gearbox in the middle and drive goes to the back. That's page 1, chapter 1 from the Petrosexual Handbook.
JeremyLadies and Gentlemen, we ARE not worthy, please welcome Alice Cooper!
[During the opening sequence.]
JeremyTonight: I find a bicycle in a river; James annoys a dog; and Richard jumps over a dyke!
JeremyThis is a place of screaming engines and tire smoke. It is a cathedral to the god of thunder and the mistress of power--the natural home then--for James May.
[On the Stig]
JeremySome say that he can't eat mashed potato, for religious reasons. And that he recently received 47,000 tickets, Olympic tickets, all of them... for the final of the women's wrestling. All we know is, he's called The Stig!
Jeremy[trying to say he can't get out of the car in Italian to 2 service station workers]
[subtitle: My prawns don't function]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
