A character in Top Gear
Played by Jeremy Clarkson
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
Most-quoted character in Top Gear: in 1,331 of its 1,774 quotes
Most scenes with: Richard Hammond (406), James May (323), Stephen Ladyman (5)
JeremyWhy would anybody think this was a holiday? I mean at what point in the last eight hours have I done anything I'd call holidayish? Nothing! I've been in a car accident, I've watched James May destroy a camp-site, I've stabbed myself seven times...
JeremyShe spent twelve thousand pounds on a caravan so she can go to a field and defecate in a bucket! I'm sorry, but when we come to power, caravanning is going to be banned, and that's it.
[During the opening sequence]
JeremyTonight: Is a Peugeot faster than two men? Has Lamborghini gone mad again? And can we build a whole car in 8 hours?
[About the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder Convertible]
JeremyThere are faults. The steering wheel for instance, is covered in a bath mat. And if you push the seat all the way back, as I have to, it squeaks, against the firewall. Can you hear that? Does that the whole time you're driving along. And, you can never find the seat belt. I DON'T CARE!!!
JeremyYou can try to drive it quietly if you want to, but it's impossible, because if you accidentally stray over 3500 rpm you just get this sort of... bark, of that. [Stepping on the gas] You hear that? Quiet... Bark! AAARRR!
[On the Stig]
JeremySome say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Jeremy[voiceover] The Stig was now on the M40 and had the hammer down. I, too, had put my hammer down, and picked up a spanner! And something was bound to go wrong.
JeremyThe nipple is off, the tube is in the hole... I will be needing some pump.
[realizing he installed the driver's seat backwards in the Caterham Challenge]
JeremyHow did I do that?
[at the Caterham challenge]
JeremyI am going as the crow flies. I am a Stig.
[on building the Caterham]
Jeremy[monotone] Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Boring. Boring. [Hammond attempts to eat the manual.] Dull. Tedious. Annoying. Back-ache. Arm-ache. [Hammond continues trying to destroy the manual] Cramp. Miserable. Hate. James. May.
JeremyAfter we'd finished, the people at Caterham put a plaque on our car, can you see that? [We see a plaque reading "Built by Top Gear"] Which has rendered this car absolutely worthless.
[During the opening sequence.]
JeremyTonight: Noble's difficult third album comes to our track; the art of being a white van man; and the Suzuki Liana is back with some bloke called Jenson Button!
JeremyThis, if they ever put it into production, and if it has all this stuff on it, will have to be called the Rolls-Royce Vulgarsonic.
Jeremy[To Richard] I've just had a really good idea! Why don't you shut up? And why don't you tell the all the ladies and gentlemen, with your Tippex teeth, about the car that you've been driving that I haven't.
JeremyNext up, James Kray.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
