[During the opening sequence]
Tonight: Is a Peugeot faster than two men? Has Lamborghini gone mad again? And can we build a whole car in 8 hours?
“July 23rd, 2006” · Season 8, Episode 7
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (17), James May (8), Richard Hammond (7)
[During the news]
But if you think about this, the Chinese, they say they're gonna be investing ten million pounds in Longbridge, yeah? Well... that's a lot of money, if you're gonna spend it on sweets. But I've done some research on this, seriously, Mercedes spend ten million pounds on research alone... every single day! So where's that gonna go?
Well, exactly, no - and they end up with cars that you might want to buy. Now, I can't think of anyone I've ever met who thinks, "Yes, my life would be complete if I could buy an eleven-year-old sports car that's made in China and then nailed together by a bunch of blokes in Birmingham."
What you're forgetting is the, is the great affection that is felt all over the world for the traditional Blitish sports car.
Hey, now, talking of getting in touch, we have a number of people after last week's show got in touch to complain.
They did.
We had... well, I said something about a Muslim, OK? Two complaints. Remember Jesus came last week and, I talked to Him? Three complaints. We were slightly rude about caravans...
Yeah, we sort of set one on fire a bit.
A hundred and fifty complaints. :[Crowd laughs]
Seriously.
A hundred and fifty and lots of people are now demanding an apology.
They are. So erm, we really are sorry. And we promise, that we will, all three of us, never ever go caravanning again.
No! No, no, no! I'm sorry we didn't burn more caravans!
You're right, so am I! Yeah. That's true.
[About the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder Convertible]
There are faults. The steering wheel for instance, is covered in a bath mat. And if you push the seat all the way back, as I have to, it squeaks, against the firewall. Can you hear that? Does that the whole time you're driving along. And, you can never find the seat belt. I DON'T CARE!!!
You can try to drive it quietly if you want to, but it's impossible, because if you accidentally stray over 3500 rpm you just get this sort of... bark, of that. [Stepping on the gas] You hear that? Quiet... Bark! AAARRR!
[On the Stig]
Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Yes, it's the Mercedes B-class! Keen students of the alphabet will probably have worked out already that this is one up from the A-class.
[In the Caterham race]
Don't hit it with a hammer!
Why?
...because that's the tool of a pikey!
[voiceover] The Stig was now on the M40 and had the hammer down. I, too, had put my hammer down, and picked up a spanner! And something was bound to go wrong.
[voiceover] Meanwhile, down in Oxford, the Stig was revealing something new about himself... he has a bladder!
How far from Scotland is Carlisle?
The nipple is off, the tube is in the hole... I will be needing some pump.
[realizing he installed the driver's seat backwards in the Caterham Challenge]
How did I do that?
[at the Caterham challenge]
I am going as the crow flies. I am a Stig.
[on building the Caterham]
[monotone] Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Boring. Boring. [Hammond attempts to eat the manual.] Dull. Tedious. Annoying. Back-ache. Arm-ache. [Hammond continues trying to destroy the manual] Cramp. Miserable. Hate. James. May.
You should feel it go stiff now.
Pump, man! Pump! Braking happening?
Oh, yeah, that's much better. That's hard.
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