Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Rise Toybota!

Jeremy

Look, anyone who washes their car has a small mind, or is in an unhappy marriage!

Jeremy

Now, we get loads of...er, letters on this show, very angry ones from people who say we don't do enough, em, affordable cars, you know, family cars. One particularly angry caller last week rang the BBC duty log saying we were a disgrace, well, Mr. Needham, check this out...[a picture of the Vauxhall Corsa appears on the TV screen] That is the new Vauxhall Corsa! [3 seconds later] And, er, moving on now...[audience dissolves into laughter]

Jeremy

(about a Ford Mustang going head-to-head against a Lotus Exige S) "It's got a 4.6 litre 300bhp V8 at the front, rear-wheel drive at the back, and a Stig in the middle."

Jeremy

(about the Exige S, a few seconds later) "And he's lined up alongside a plastic car that was made by some Norfolk turnip farmers, which is being driven by a fat bloke with a dicky hip."

Jeremy

(the start of the Exige S Power Lap) "Slingshot acceleration, thanks to those semi-slick tires and the fact that this doesn't weigh anything..."

Jeremy

Tonight: I investigate some new in-car dogging technology. Richard races a man dressed as a squirrel. And with a wing and a prayer, the Koenigsegg is back on our track.

Jeremy

What's the matter with chips with vinegar on them?

Jeremy

I'm gonna have to explain all this to my nine-year-old boy. [makes a face] Who's ten, I've just remembered!

Jeremy

[to the Mercedes S-Class onboard computer] Station: Radio 2. [It retunes to Radio 2] And it goes to Radio 2. Or, Station: absolute rubbish. [It retunes to Radio 1] Look! Radio 1! It knows! How brilliant's that?

Jeremy

We're no longer just reviewing cars on Top Gear - we're designing them!

Jeremy

We'll try it my way... and then we'll finish it. [walks away quickly]

Jeremy

Tonight: The new Citroën C6: hovercraft or horse manure? Jackie Chan teaches Captain Slow how to drive. And don't bother watching the World Cup, because we've drank it already.

Jeremy

Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

Jeremy

When our guest tonight first came here he was so spectacular, we named a corner in his honour. Ladies and gentleman, please welcome, SIR MICHAEL FOLLOW-THROUGH!

Jeremy

Last time you were here, in the Liana: 1.55. You did it, in the Lacetti, in one minute... [Jeremy starts writing the time down but stops, holding the pen up] Due to the unique way the BBC is funded, the pen doesn't work!