God, I'm bored. Might as well be listening to Genesis.
It was getting really hot. Then I thought, oh no, I should have put out that sociology file that was burning on Rick's bed.
Yeah, I did that. Trying to make Rick think I was hiding in his bedroom.
What? You set fire to Rick's bedroom? I think that's a very selfish thing to do Vyvyan. I was hiding in there, you could have given me away!
[Neil announces he's doing an inventory of the kitchen]
Neil, you don't have to do that! All my stuff is covered with sticky labels!
Wait a minute! Was yours the stuff with the sticky labels with "Rick" written on it?
Yes.
[mock sympathy] Oh, sod it! I'm very sorry Rick, I thought it was mine, and I ate them, every single one!
[Neil is going over whose food is whose in the fridge]
My potion! My potion as well.
What potion?
It's a potion I've invented that, when a person drinks it, he turns into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! It's basically a cure, for not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac! The potential market's enormous!
[Notes Coke can in fridge] Is this it?
Yeah! I put it in a Coke can so no one would drink it by accident!
[with hammy foreshadowing] You know, I just bet, a bit later on, someone does drink that, and turns into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac!
Yes, I bet that too! That's just the sort of crazy unpredictable kind of thing that happens around here, isn't it? [all are ignoring Rick] I said "Isn't It?" [still no reaction from the others, Rick pouts]
[When Rick is asking who ate his apple.]
What were you doing, saving it for teacher? Trying to keep the doctor away?!
If he's anything like you, YES! Did you take it, Mike?
Well, if you're gonna sin you might as well be original.
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't know.
[When Vyvyan visits Narnia and sees the White Witch and the driver, Shirley.]
WWitch
Come, sit next to me, child. [Vyvyan sits on the sled.] Have some Turkish Delight. Eurgh! Who's farted?
It's not me!
SShirley
That's revolting! That's revolting! People like you should be put in little boxes tied up with string, and left in small dark rooms with out any electricity!
Who says?
SShirley
For a month!
Who says?!
SShirley
[weakly] She does.
WWitch
I did not! That's a lie, Shirley!
'Shirley'? Is that your name, then? 'Shirley'?
SShirley
It's better than 'Vyvyan' by a longshot!
Oh, yeah? 'Shirley'!
WWitch
Oh, would you two shut up! Would you like some Turkish Delight, my child?
Not particularly. You got any kebabs?
Hey, Neil.
Yes, Mike?
Come over here.
You want to know why I keep hitting myself in the head with a frying pan, don't you, Mike?
No, I don't.
Oh.
Where's my breakfast?
Yeah, where's the bloody vindaloo, hippie? You said you were going to the shops two hours ago!
Oh, come on, guys! It's always my turn to go to the shops!
So why haven't you gone?
Well, it's raining. My hair will lose its shape! Anyway, I haven't got any money!
There's plenty of money in the kitty!
Yeah, but he's constipated, isn't he?
[wielding dagger] Well, let's open him up, then!
[pointing to floor] There he is, Vyvyan! GET HIM!
BMr. Balowski
Heerrree's Jerzei!
It's Mr. Balowski!
How did he get in here?!
Well, you could eat him instead, actually.
BMr. Balowski
Little pigs! Little pigs! Let me in! Boys and girls come out to play on the busy motorway! Let me in! Jerzei wants to play 'Hospital'!
Oh, my God! He's turned into an homicidal axe-wielding maniac!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Young Ones pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.