It's fantastic! The streets are completely filled with screaming children!
All for Cliff!
Well, not exactly, Neil... a bomb's gone off.
You mean you let a bomb off, Vyvyvan.
Look, what I had for breakfast is completely my own affair thank you, Michael.
Look, everyone, he's coming through the doors.
BRILLIANT! He didn't even open them!
We don't want you in the song anymore.
What? What?!
I simply said we don't want you in the song...
Yes, yes, yes, but why?
(From backstage) Because you're total and utter crap!
Don't do the song, right, I've got some really heavy news about Cliff that's gonna completely blow your mi... what's that smell?
Neil, go away!
[Audience awws.]
Don't patronise me, you bastards! Oh, yeah, let's all sit in rows and ruin Neil's evening!
What's the message, Neil?
Oh, yeah, the message about Cliff, right, er... Cliff's blown out the gig.
What? You mean he's... farted?
No, no, Cliff can't come.
Why?
He's doing time.
They put him in prison for farting?! Right on!
(Shouting backstage to Kate Bush) Back in a tickle, Katy baby! HA HA! I've just gotta do this number one song with Shaky Stevens. Right, good evening, bastards!
What d'you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff!
(singing) # Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul. #
(singing) # fies my soul! #
"Fies my soul"?
Yes, "fies my soul". It's raunchy, Vyvyan.
Hey, Cliff! I've just invented a great new sound.
[Strange clicking noises are heard.]
Ow!
Untie Neil's legs, Vyvyvan.
Settle down, chaps.
Neil, d'you wanna hear a great new joke?
Oh, yeah. Ok.
Rick, I'd get out of the way if you don't wanna get seriously hurt. Right, what d'you say to a stupid hippie who's standing on a pile of dynamite?
I dunno, what do you say to a stupid hippie who's standing on a pile of dynamite?
Get this, buster!
[He steps on a detonator and there's an explosion which appears to go horribly wrong as Vyvyan gasps in pain while holding his crotch.]
Oh, yeah. I get it. "Get this, buster!" Yeah, brilliant!
Is everyone happy? Vyvyan's whiffed out the theatre, blown his goolies off and you've stopped Cliff coming! Can we please just do the song?!
[While recording the flipside of the Living Doll record.]
Good morning, everybody. Let's make rock 'n' roll history.
Oh, no. He's found us.
Hey, great gag telling me the recording studio was in Wales!
Oh, no. Guys, guys. I thought pop music was supposed to be about like... loving each other.
No, Neil, no, that's sex. Pop music's about making money.
Are we gonna sing this song or not?
Yes, we are! But first... let's have a fight!
(singing) # All the little flowers are singing. All the little birdies are too, tweet tweet! Everything in the garden is happy and we hope you are too. If you're happy we're happy, ha ha! If you're sad we're sad, boo hoo! But now it's time to end this song coz it's so (bleep) bad! #
Goodnight, children.
Goodnight.
Hello... er... goodnight.
Pass the detonator.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Young Ones pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
