About a week ago I accidentally slept with a prostitute.
Really?
Yes.
You accidentally slept with a prostitute.
Call girl.
Accidentally.
Yes.
I don't understand. Did you trip over something?
“Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc” · Season 1
In this episode: Toby Ziegler (3), Sam Seaborn (3), Josiah Bartlet (2), Josh Lyman (2), C.J. Cregg (1), Leo McGarry (1), Donna Moss (1), Mrs. Landingham (1)
Mrs. Landingham, does the President have free time this morning?
The President has nothing but free time, Toby. Right now he's in the residence eating Cheerios and enjoying Regis and Kathie Lee. Should I get him for you?
Sarcasm's a disturbing thing coming from a woman of your age, Mrs. Landingham.
What age would that be, Toby?
Late twenties?
Atta boy.
Can I have a cookie?
No.
[Sam walks in]
Good morning, Sam.
Good morning.
Have a cookie, Sam.
Sir, this may be a good time to talk about your sense of humor.
I've got an intelligence briefing, a security briefing, and a 90-minute budget meeting all scheduled for the same 45 minutes. You sure this is a good time to talk about my sense of humor?
No.
Me neither.
It's just that it's not the first time that it's happened.
I know.
We're talking about Texas, sir.
I know.
USA Today asks you why you don't spend more time campaigning in Texas and you say it's because you don't look good in funny hats.
It was big hats.
What difference does it make?
It makes a difference.
The point is we got whomped in Texas.
We got whomped in Texas twice.
We got whomped in the primary and we got whomped in November.
I think I was there.
And it was avoidable. Sir.
CJ, on your tombstone it's gonna read 'Post hoc ergo propter hoc.'
Okay, but none of my visitors are going to be able to understand my tombstone.
Twenty-seven lawyers in the room, anybody know 'post hoc, ergo propter hoc'? Josh?
Ah, post, after hoc, ergo, therefore... After hoc, therefore something else hoc.
Thank you. Next? Leo.
'After it, therefore because of it'.
'After it, therefore because of it'. It means one thing follows the other, therefore it was caused by the other. But it's not always true. In fact it's hardly ever true. We did not lose Texas because of the hat joke. Do you know when we lost Texas?
When you learned to speak Latin?
Go figure.
I don't need a flu shot.
MMorris
You do need a flu shot.
How do I know this isn't the start of a military coup?
MMorris
Sir?
I want the Secret Service in here right away.
MMorris
In the event of a military coup, sir, what makes you think the Secret Service is gonna be on your side?
Now that's a thought that's gonna fester.
LRLloyd Russell
[referring to his Presidential run, speaking to Mandy, who just drove her car onto a curb] It wasn't going to happen.
You know what the worst part about this is?
LRLloyd Russell
Well, I think you dinged up your suspension pretty good.
No, Lloyd, it's the party they're having, right now, in the West Wing, at my expense.
LRLloyd Russell
They're not having a party in the West Wing.
I've worked with these people for two and a half years. They like to win and they like to gloat.
LRLloyd Russell
I'm sure you're wrong.
I'm sure I'm not.
LRLloyd Russell
There are very serious people working at the White House. A blow is struck for party unity today, there's no cause to gloat.
[scene cut]
Victory is mine, victory is mine. Great day in the morning, people, victory is mine.
Morning Josh.
I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.
It's going to be an unbearable day.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The West Wing pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.