“Ellie” · Season 2
In this episode: Josiah Bartlet (3), Charlie Young (2), Mrs. Landingham (2), C.J. Cregg (1), Margaret Hooper (1), Ellie (1)
[about the President's movie options] Well, he would have especially enjoyed the scene where the Prince Myshkin character has a seizure while engaging in an erotic fantasy in a Long Island church.
Charlie, please don't say the word "erotic" in the Oval Office.
I'd be perfectly happy never to say any of those words anywhere ever again.
[to the Surgeon General] Red meat has been found to cause cancer in white rats. Maraschino cherries have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Cellular phones have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Has anyone examined the possibility that cancer might be hereditary in white rats?
[about the movie producer] This guy's trying to get a little bit of free media by screwing with us. I'm the enforcer, Sam. I'm gonna crush him, I'm gonna make him cry, and then I'm gonna tell his mama about it!
I hear you're thinking about ophthalmology.
Oncology.
Why would you want to study people's feet?
That's podiatry.
That's children's medicine.
Pediatrics.
I thought it was obstetrics.
That's pregnant women.
And what's the study of feet?
Dad, you're not going to make me laugh.
The only thing you ever had to do to make me happy was come home at the end of the day.
[angrily to Ellie] I have set up monumental, unprecedented, unbreakable rules about my children and the press. I have gotten White House reporters transferred to Yemen for approaching Zoey and Elizabeth. It is the law! Well, I'm sure before you gave the quote you cleared it with the Communications Office. I'm sure you went over the exact wording with C.J. Cregg and coordinated with White House strategy so that the timing was right in the news cycle. I'm certain you consulted the appropriate party leadership because you're a pretty knowledgeable operative having spent so much time with me.
[about the President's movie options] And what was the other one about?
"Prince of New York?"
Yeah.
[reading off a sheet of paper] It's an updated version of Dostoyevsky's "The Idiot" which tells the story of a Christ-like epileptic young man who embodies goodness, but encounters sex, crime, and family dysfunction.
Hard to imagine why you didn't think the President would enjoy that, Charlie.
Well, he would have especially enjoyed the scene where the Prince Myshkin character has a seizure while engaging in an erotic fantasy in a Long Island church.
Charlie, please don't say the word "erotic" in the Oval Office.
I'd be perfectly happy never to say any of those words anywhere ever again.
[about Ellie] You frightened her.
[incredulous] No, I didn't! How did I frighten her?
Jed, look where you're standing!
I was elected two years ago! She's 24 years old!
You've been the king of whatever room you've walked into her entire life.
Never seemed to intimidate Zoey or Liz.
Well, kids are different! They're not the same! You'd be amazed, you'd be stunned, at how soon they understand they're not their father's favorite.
That's not true.
Sir...
That's not true.
Mr. President-
No, no, no! I will bear with the nonsense of the Christian right, and the Hollywood left, and the AFL-CIO, and the AARP, and the cannabis society of Japan! But I will not stand and allow someone to tell me that I love one of my children less than the others! [beat] She's frightened of me?
She ain't the only one.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The West Wing pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
