DonnaExcuse me. I'm so sorry to interrupt in what obviously is a private moment between the two of you and your... two friends. We came in this morning...
G2Girl 2
We know who you are. We're not rednecks.
Donna
Okay. Well, I'm Donna Moss and this is my boss.
Donna
Anyway, we're very crunched for time and we think that you...
I work at the White House.
G1Girl 1
Wow. Humongous whoop.
Come on! He's Communications Director. It's a decent sized whoop.
G2Girl 2
How many unborn babies did you guys kill today?
Whoa, hey. Danger, Will Robinson. Tyler, no fooling around. We've got 15 minutes to get to a plane that is 3 miles from here. That plane-- I swear to God-- is taking off at 1:00.
TTyler
It's taking off at 1:00?
KKiki
Are you guys stupid or something? It's 1:45 right now.
KKiki
No, not here it's not.
Donna
Oh, my God, she's right.
TTyler
See, we crossed over from Unionville to Dearborn County which doesn't observe Daylight saving time.
KKiki
I think it's the other way around, genius.
TTyler
What did I ever do to you?
Donna
It says on the schedule, "All times are local." This is why I couldn't get anyone on their cell.
Wait. Wait. No. No. You're not... We changed time zones? We changed time... We changed time zones?!
TTyler
It's a-a common mistake.
Not for the U.S. government!
What kind of schmuck-ass system could this possibly...
That's good! That's perfect!
How did...? I don't understand.
Perfect. Just the break I'm looking for.
What do...? What do...? People, they just... They reset their watches when they commute?
I can't take working here.
They just change their watches every time they cross a time zone? What is this, a joke?!
Donna
Okay, this is a whole new thing now. My guys are going to need to walk this off a bit before they can regroup. Kiki, you and your friends get back to school. Tyler, you and I are going to come up with a plan to get us to a commercial airport.
You have an inadvertent habit of putting down my Judaism by implying that you have a sharper anti-Semitism meter than I do.
You know, the ancient Hebrews had a word for Jews from Westport: they pronounced it "Presbyterian."
And by saying things like that.
I'm just saying, I'm from Brighton Beach.
Well, Mohammed al Mohammed el Mohammed bin Bizir doesn't make the distinction when he suits up in the morning.
Well, as long as you have a good grasp of the complexity of that situation.
Donna
What the hell are the two of you talking about?
I assure you neither one of us knows.
Campaigns aren't about the candidates.
They're about the voters. How-how are we going to create jobs? how-how are we going to get healthcare? How are we going to make the lights go on? How are we going to protect ourselves?
Don't you want to ask if the plumber knows which directions the pipes run? Don't you...? Forget the plumber. Don't... [sighs]... we want leadership to sound and feel like, instead of appealing to our-our least expensive, however legitimate, desire to feel good about ourselves? Don't we want...?
Donna
All right, that's it. I can't take it.
Donna
I am not kidding. I have such an impulse to knock your heads together. I can't remember the last time I heard you two talk about anything other than how a campaign was playing in Washington. Cathy needed to take a second job so her dad could be covered by her insurance. She tried to tell you how bad things were for family farmers. You told her we already lost Indiana. You made fun of the fair but you didn't see they have livestock exhibitions and give prizes for the biggest tomato and the best heirloom apple. They're proud of what they grow. Eight modes of transportation, the kindness of six strangers, random conversations with twelve more, and nobody brought up Bartlet versus Ritchie but you. I'm writing letters, on your behalf to the parents of the kids who were killed today. Can I have the table, please?
[Josh and Toby stand]
Donna
You took funding for remote prayer to the President?
Donna
That's 'cause you don't know the story of Fishhooks McCarty.
Is this a real person or a Donna person?
Donna
Corrupt politician on the Lower East Side in the '20s. Every morning he stopped at the St. James Church on Oliver Street and said the same prayer, "O Lord, give me health and strength. We'll steal the rest."
Not that there needs to be, but... was there a point?
Donna
You've got health and strength, both of which, coincidentally, I prayed for after hot lead was shot into your body.
Yeah... You're going to need some Kryptonite, by the way.
Donna
Okay, settle down.
Donna
So you've got health and strength.
And we'll steal the rest?
Donna
Bet your ass.
All right. Good work tonight.
Donna
Tickets came.
Donna
The balls.
Could you handle mine for me until it's over?
Donna
Yeah.
Donna
Know what Jack will be wearing? A saber.
God, Donna, please tell me that's not the only thing he's wearing.
Donna
No, he'll be wearing his dress blues, Warfare pin, Submarine Officer pin, two Commendation Medals, Meritorious Unit, Purple Heart, Bronze cross...and a saber.
...I'll be wearing a tuxedo from Gary's.
Donna
So, you're our new sawbones.
Donna
Is it?
Yeah. Lawyer's a shyster.
Donna
[to Josh] I got him to say it.
I don't... Josh is a lawyer.
Donna
Well, yeah, I mean he went to law school, but...
[Josh looks at her.]
Donna
You don't practice law is all I was saying.
I don't practice law? I help write the laws, I write the laws, I make the laws, I am the law.
I think we made a mistake.
Donna
What?
Letting the President step aside.
Have you been watching CNN, MSNBC? Even FOX is treating it as a seminar on the resiliency of the Constitution.
The President's daughter is probably tied up in the back of a gas station. We have no idea how this is playing.
He showed he's a leader, nobly embracing his own flawed humanity.
Lincoln and Kennedy had children who died. They didn't take a sabbatical.
Congressional leadership.
Lincoln never got a ransom note from Jefferson Davis. He's putting country before family. I'd carpet bomb Mecca to get my kids back.
What if they like Walken better? What if he seems more presidential? What if they want Walken to stay?
In a few days, President Bartlet turns the second letter over to Congress.
What if it doesn't take a few days? What if it takes a few weeks, a few months? What if she's never found?
You thought I was cooked.
Donna
I did not.
You thought I was gone, and so were you. You were already cleaning out your desk. Mentally kicking dirt on my grave.
Donna
No, now I'm doing that.
Confirm my dinner with Wilcox tomorrow. Make sure I have my usual table.
Donna
That's good. You're getting out. A man about town.
Set up a meeting with Ted Davis at the Democratic Strategy Group and one with the Security Policy Working Group.
Donna
Crack some heads, Let 'em know you're riding herd. I'm not helping.
It's a blip, Donna. When I write my political memoir, this will be the character-building funny part.
Donna
I thought I was the character-building funny part.
Donna
What happens if we don't get a budget deal?
Get another continuing resolution.
Donna
See, here's what I don't get. Every year we take these continuing resolutions like the dog ate our homework...
The Republican majority, but you're close.
Donna
How come people aren't outraged? The rest of the country can't take endless amounts of time to finish their work.
Well, you're forgetting the beauty of the federal budget process.
Donna
What's that?
The West Wing · 913 quotes
