“Life on Mars” · Season 4
In this episode: Toby Ziegler (2), Joe (2), Josh Lyman (1), C.J. Cregg (1), Leo McGarry (1), Charlie Young (1), Donna Moss (1), Will Bailey (1)
I know that when life expectancy goes up, that's not victimizing undertakers.
Well argued, though I do hate you and everything you stand for.
Claudia Jean, you've only known me for four minutes. Usually it takes people the better part of an hour to hate me and everything I stand for.
I'm the Press Secretary, Boo-Boo. I don't have that kind of time.
I came in to show you the spots and to tell you I think we should run a counter-ad. I don't have an idea for one.
Well get one! Have an idea! Don't come in here with half a thing and not be able to - you know, after you've walked me to the brink, and say 'we've got to do this, it's important, though I have no earthly idea how.' Like one of those guys who buys a big new thing, but doesn't really know how to get the most out of it!
Toby, either get Andy to marry you, or kill yourself.
[pause] Yeah.
Are you eating a salad?
Yeah.
Why?
'Cause I am.
I don't think I've ever seen you eat a salad. What kind of salad is it?
I don't know.
Just mixed greens?
I don't know what kind of salad it is, I'm eating a salad, okay? I'm doing it, do I have to know the names? There's no difference between them, it's a bowl of weeds!
[Charlie looks at Toby silently]
Some of them have cheese, this isn't the kind with cheese, does that answer your question?
[Charlie continues to look at Toby silently]
How many years have you guys been 'Toby, you eat like a teenager.' 'Toby, that's red meat.' 'That's your second cigar.' Here I am, eating this salad, which, by the way, you could cover this thing in barbecue sauce and it still tastes like the ground, and I'm getting heckled from the gallery! Who wanted to come in here and eat his roast beef sandwich with ketchup on a kaiser roll and watch the damn tennis on my TV! That's all I'm saying.
Man, Toby, you're really doing everything you can do to get that woman to marry you?
[to Hoynes] You're a giant, John. You're a US Senator, the Vice-President of the United States, and presumptive nominee of your party. You cannot be taken down by this... cheap person and her customers huddled around Macy's window waiting for someone to turn themselves inside out.
So, you're our new sawbones.
A sawbones is a doctor.
Is it?
Yeah. Lawyer's a shyster.
[to Josh] I got him to say it.
I don't... Josh is a lawyer.
Well, yeah, I mean he went to law school, but...
[Josh looks at her.]
You don't practice law is all I was saying.
I don't practice law? I help write the laws, I write the laws, I make the laws, I am the law.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The West Wing pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
