Donna Moss quotes from The West Wing

Donna

[After Sam learns the identity of a deceased Communist spy] It was people pushing paper around fifty years ago. Why does it matter?

Sam

It was high treason, and it mattered a great deal! This country is an idea, and one that's lit the world for two centuries and treason against that idea is not just a crime against the living! This ground holds the graves of people who died for it, who gave what Lincoln called the last full measure of devotion, of fidelity.

Josh

Hey, Ado Annie, I sent you flowers. I think what you're trying to say is, "Why thank you, Josh, they're beautiful, how very thoughtful of you."

Donna

Really? 'Cause I think what I was trying to say was "Shove it."

Donna

When I came back, you remember I had a bandage on my ankle?

Josh

Yeah.

Donna

I told you I slipped on the ice on the front walk?

Josh

Yeah. You know why? 'Cause you didn't put down the kitty litter.

Donna

I was actually in a car accident.

Josh

You were in a car accident?

Donna

It was...

Josh

Seriously, you were in an accident?

Donna

It was no big deal.

Josh

You told me it was a late thaw.

Donna

[smiles] Yes. I did. Anyway, they took me to the hospital and I called him and he came to get me and on the way he stopped and met some friends of his for a beer.

Josh

[incredulously] He stopped on the way to the hospital for a beer?

Donna

Yes. And that's why I left him. Which was the point of my telling you this. I left him. So stop remembering that. What I remember is that you took me back when you had absolutely no reason to trust me again, and you didn't make fun of me or him, and you had every reason to.

Josh

Donna...

Donna

You're gonna make fun of him now, aren't you?

Josh

No.

Donna

'Cause that's why I didn't tell you in the first place.

Josh

I'm not gonna make fun of him.

Donna

Good.

Josh

But just what kind of a dumbkes were you...

Donna

He was supposed to meet some of his friends. He stopped on the way to tell them that he couldn't.

Josh

And had a beer?

Donna

Does this make you feel superior?

Donna

Yes, you are better than my old boyfriend.

Josh

I'm just sayin', if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for a beer.

Donna

[stands up] If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights. Thanks for taking me back. [walks out of his office] Oh, and the flowers are beautiful.

Josh

You got a phone call while you were in there.

Donna

From who?

Josh

Europe, in 1939.

Donna

Yeah?

Josh

Yeah, I jotted it down. Apparently, they're at war, but we'd taken a firm stand as an isolationist nation and refused to get involved. Our resources are ours, and their problems are on the other side of the world, though, they do have problems. Sounds to me from what they said on the phone that France, Austria, and England are getting absolutely pounded by the Germans and with no end in sight. They say that by 1941 they're gonna desperately need our help if they have any chance of survival, but I think they're just being hysterical. This son of a customs agent with the Charlie Chaplin mustache ain't going anywhere, but there's no telling that to Franklin Roosevelt, who's trying to convince his country to get involved. That's why he came up with this.

Donna

An eighth-grade social studies textbook?

Josh

Turn to the page I flagged.

Donna

The Lend-Lease Act.

Josh

Yeah. Simply put, a loan of arms to Russia and Britain with the understanding that they pay us back when the war was over. And he said this - he said, "If your neighbor's house is on fire, you don't haggle over the price of your garden hose." ... There are too many things in the world we can't do. Mexico's on fire. Why help them? Because we can.

Donna

A thing the size of a garbage truck is gonna be in a two-thousand-mile-an-hour free fall and no one knows where it's gonna hit!

Charlie

I'm rooting for Zurich.

Donna

Charlie?

Charlie

I've had it up to here with the Swiss.

Donna

I grew up on a farm.

Josh

You grew up in a condo.

Donna

I grew up near a farm. And I was cute and I was peppy. And I always did well on my 19th Century English Literature midterm until you came along and sucked me into your life of crime!

Josh

Hey, I'm not the-

Donna

White collar crime boy! You know what they do to a girl like me on the cell block? I've seen those movies.

Josh

Yeah, me too.

Donna

I bet you have.

Josh

Look-

Donna

Sell my farm girl ass for a carton of Luckys.

Donna

Why are you a Republican?

Because I hate poor people. I hate them, Donna. They're all so poor, and many of 'em talk funny, and don't have proper table manners... my father slaved away at the Fortune 500 company he inherited so that I could go to Choate, Brown and Harvard and see that this country isn't overrun by poor people and lesbians. No... I'm Republican because I believe in smaller government. This country was founded on the principle of freedom, and freedom stands opposed to constraints, and the bigger the government, the more the constraints.

Donna

I had a plan! Each box was numbered. There is a piece of paper with a number and a corresponding description of the contents of each box.

Josh

Well, where is the piece of paper? [Donna glares at him.]

Donna

It's... in one of these boxes. I had a plan. I grew up on a farm.

Josh

You grew up in a condo.

Donna

I grew up near a farm. And I was cute and I was peppy. And I always did well on my 19th Century English Literature midterm until you came along and sucked me into your life of crime!

Josh

Hey, I'm not the-

Donna

White collar crime boy! You know what they do to a girl like me on the cell block? I've seen those movies.

Josh

Yeah, me too.

Donna

I bet you have.

Josh

Look-

Donna

Sell my farm girl ass for a carton of Luckys.

Josh

Hey, seriously, you need to sleep for a while.

Donna

I can't yet. 'Cause in one of these boxes are FedEx receipts and mailroom records for any gifts or packages sent to senior staff, [starts yelling] and in one of these boxes is a piece of paper which says which box it's in!

Josh

I'll be in the office.

Donna

Your office is down the corridor about 200 feet from here. Try not to commit any felonies on the way.

Josh

I'll do my best.

Josh

He can have a member try to attach an amendment to the override vote.

Donna

What kind of amendment?

Josh

Doesn't matter. "To qualify for the estate tax repeal, the estates have to have Astroturf™."

Donna

And still it's hard to figure why Congress can't get anything done.

Josh

Did you get me a flight?

Donna

Yes.

Josh

Excellent! One that gets me there in time for dinner?

Donna

Yes.

Josh

And I don't have to change planes in Atlanta?

Donna

No, even better, you do have to change planes in Atlanta.

Josh

I told you–

Donna

You have to change planes in Atlanta! Deal with it!

Josh

I'm seeing Amy again tonight.

Donna

Second date?

Josh

First date, really. Last night was more of a ... you know ...

Donna

Scheme.

Josh

Yeah.

Donna

Good, 'cause the second date's usually where the wheels come off the wagon for you.

Donna

I shall do those things.

Josh

You shall?

Donna

I shall... and I'll tell you what I'd like in exchange.

Josh

How about a weekly salary of some kind?

Donna

Yes, plus a favor.

Bartlet

It's Jed Bartlet, Mrs. Morello. I've got a few questions. When you taught Beowulf, did you make the kids read it in the original Middle English or did you use a translation?

We used a translation, Mr. President.

Bartlet

Okay. We're going to call that the James Bond version.

Bartlet

[whispering] Tell her where you are.

Donna

Mrs. Morello, I am standing in the Oval Office and it is because of you.

Donna

[on the phone to her former teacher] Sally Seidelman told me you were retiring.

At the end of this year.

Donna

Well, I... I just wanted to say. I don't know, I just... I just wanted to say... I don't know.

Are--Are you sure everything's all right?

Bartlet

[whispering] Tell her where you are.

Donna

Mrs. Morello, I am standing in the Oval Office with the President of the United States and it is because of you. [silence] Mrs. Morello?

What a thing to say. Well, we're all very proud of you, Donna.

Bartlet

She didn't do anything.

Was that...?

Bartlet

It's Jed Bartlet, Mrs. Morello. I've got a few questions. When you taught Beowulf, did you make the kids read it in the original Middle English or did you use a translation?

We used a translation, Mr. President.

Bartlet

Okay. We're going to call that the James Bond version.

Donna

Eliminating the term 'north' from North Dakota is an important state issue and the President feels it should be resolved on a state level. While the President is sympathetic towards the cause and understands the large economics ramifications of this name change, he feels the issue is not yet ripe for national attention. The President wishes you well on your endeavors and thanks you for your support.

Uh, Miss Moss? Are you aware that studies clearly show the word 'north' leaves the impression that this state is cold, snowy and flat, significantly depressing tourism and business startup.

Donna

With due respect, sir, your average temperature is 7 degrees. Your average snowfall: 42 inches, and a name change isn't going to take care of that.

We enjoy roughly the same climate as South Dakota. We took in 73.7 million in tourism revenue last year. They took in 1.2 billion. They have the word 'south'.

Donna

Also Mount Rushmore.