Oratory should raise your heart rate. Oratory should blow the doors off the place. We should be talking about not being satisfied with past solutions. We should be talking about a permanent revolution.
TobyWhere have I heard that?
Toby
Yeah.
Toby
What book?
Toby
You think we should quote Mao Tse-tung?
We do need a permanent revolution.
Toby
Still, I think we'll stay away from quoting Communists.
You think a Communist never wrote an elegant phrase? How do you think they got everyone to be Communist?
Over three and a half centuries ago, linked by faith and bound by a common desire for liberty, a small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the New World where they could worship according to their own beliefs... and solve crimes.
Toby
Sam...
It'd be good. By day, they churn butter and worship according to their own beliefs, and by night they solve crimes.
Toby
Read the thing.
Toby
Do you see me laughing?
I think you're laughing on the inside.
Toby
Okay.
Toby
Give me the speech.
Every time we come up on a holiday, you guys check out like seniors who are done with finals.
Toby
We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation.
And possibly a new action-adventure series.
Toby
Nobody here has checked out...
[Josh enters]
Hey, I was just flipping a nickel in my office. Sixteen times in a row, it came out tails.
Alexander Hamilton didn't think we should have political parties. Neither did John Adams. He thought political parties led to divisiveness.
Toby
They do. They should. We have honest disagreements. Arguments are good.
Only if they lead to statesmanship. Or it's just theatre. And statesmanship is compromise.
Toby
What about persuasion? They're coming for us, Leo.
Toby
I mean they're coming for us now.
Toby, if you knew what it was like getting him to run the first time...
Toby
I know.
Like pushing molasses up a sandy hill. If I go and tell him it's time to run again he's going to get crazy... and frustrated. He's going to sink into his head and he's going to say he's not running.
Toby
Yeah.
Toby
So we've got to do it for him. We'll keep it away from this office but we've got to get real now. Leo, Ann Stark's a war time consigliere. That's why she was bumped up.
I'm a wartime consigliere too, Toby. I was just hoping it'd be peace time a little longer.
Toby
Yeah.
[Toby and Leo shake hands]
Toby
Formed what?
The Committee to Reelect the President.
RRepublican
Why when the second amendment clearly says that the federal government will not infringe upon citizen's right to keep and bear arms.
Toby
Because it doesn't say that. In fact it doesn't say that at all. The only way it says that if you remove some words from it. It says a well regulated militia being necessary for the security of a free state, the government shall not infringe. The words well regulated and militia are in the first sentence. I don't think the framers were thinking of three guys in a Dodge Durango.
RRepublican
You don't really know what the framers were thinking do you?
Toby
No. But I know that if you combine all the populations of Great Britain, France, Germany, Japan, Switzerland, Sweden, Denmark, and Australia you'll get a population roughly the size of the United States. We had 32,000 gun deaths last year, they had 112. Do you think it's because Americans are more homicidal by nature or do you think it's because those guys have gun control laws?
Toby
You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper.
Toby
Food is cheaper! Clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper ... Phone service is cheaper! You feel me building a rhythm here? That's because I'm a speech writer and I know how to make a point.
Toby
It lowers prices, and it raises income. You see what I did with 'lowers' and 'raises' there? It's called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites, and now you end with the one that's not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And that's it. Free trade stops wars, and we figure out how to fix the rest. One world, one peace... I'm sure I've seen that on a sign somewhere.
Toby
Mr. Vice President?
Toby
No, sir, you did it very well. I appreciate it.
Toby
I'm sure you know I was curious about why you'd volunteer for something like that.
Toby
So I got a hold of some private polling you've had done.
Toby
A significant number of people are concerned over your close ties to big oil.
Toby
Yeah, but what I was wondering was why did you put the poll in the field at all? Mr. Vice President, what do you know that I don't?
Toby, the total tonnage of what I know that you don't could stun a team of oxen in its tracks. Good night.
Toby's concerned that the peaceful solution I brokered in Kashmir last year was the result of a drug-induced haze.
I was there with him. So was Fitz. So was Cashman, Hutchinson, Berryhill...
Toby
Well, that's fantastic.
Toby
None of you were elected!
I was elected, they were appointed. The Vice President was elected. He has the constitutional authority to assume my--
Toby
Not last May, he didn't. Last May, when you were under general anesthesia.
That's because I never signed the letter, but I don't think I got shot because I got MS!
Toby
No, I don't think you did either, sir. I meant that during a night of extreme chaos and fear when we didn't yet know if we'd been the victims of domestic or foreign terrorism, or even an act of war, there was uncertainty as to who was giving the national security orders and it was because you never signed the letter. So I'm led to wonder, given your condition and it's lack of predictability, why there isn't simply a signed letter sitting in a file someplace. And the answer, of course, is that [chuckles] if there was a–a signed letter sitting in a file someplace, somebody would ask why. The Commander in Chief had just been attacked, he was under a general anesthetic, a fugitive was at large, the manhunt included every federal state and local law enforcement agency. The Virginia, Maryland, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Delaware National Guard units were federalized. The KH-10s showed Republican Guard movement in southern Iraq. And twelve hours earlier, an F-117 was shot down in the no-fly, and the Vice President's authority was murky at best! The National Security Advisor and the Secretary of State didn't know who they were taking their orders from. I wasn't in the Situation Room that night, but I'll bet all the money in my pockets against all the money in your pockets that it was Leo. Who no one elected! For ninety minutes that night, there was a coup d'état in this country.
[sarcastically] And the walls came tumbling down. I feel fine, by the way, thanks for asking. [interjecting as Leo tries to speak up] No, Leo, Toby's concern for my health is moving me in ways...
Toby
Mr. President --
[suddenly infuriated, throws a stack of papers against his desk] SHUT UP! [circles around his desk, staring Toby in the face] You know, your indignation would be a lot more interesting to me if it weren't quite so covered in crap!
[poking his head in] Sir...
Thanks. [glares back at Toby] Are you pissed because I didn't say anything, or are you pissed because there are fifteen people who knew before you did? I feel fine, by the way, thanks for asking.
Toby
He calls you and me the Batman and Robin of speech-writing.
Well, I don't think he does...
Toby
He doesn't, but he should, 'cause that's what we are.
Toby
We're Batman and Robin!
Toby
Look at me, Sam. Am I Robin?
Toby
Yes, you are.
Okay, well, let's move off this.
Toby
You bet, little friend.
Listen, we're really not Batman and Robin.
Toby
No, we'll keep those identities secret. I'm Bruce Wayne, and you're my ward...
Toby
...Dick something.
The West Wing · 913 quotes
