5th most-quoted character in The Vicar of Dibley: in 16 of its 78 quotes Most scenes with: Geraldine Granger (14), Jim Trott (2)
Scenes with Alice Tinker 16
RPReverend Pottle
Lord, we ask you to bless the members of this, thy congregation. (There are four people in the room.) We also ask you to remember the Queen, who has been having trouble with her piles again, and Mrs. Sinclair Wilson and all her family. (Alice whispers in his ear) Mrs. Sinclair Wilson, who has been having trouble with her piles again, and the Queen and all her family. May you bring them happiness in this life and in the next. Peace everlasting. Amen.
Alice
Amen.
(Alice looks up to see that Reverand Pottle has apparently dozed off in the pulpit. She nudges him and then checks his pulse. He is dead.)
Alice
Um... We now sing hymn number 16: 'The Day Thou Gavest Lord is Ended.'
(They begin to sing and carry on as Reverand Pottle slowly tilts and falls to the ground.)
Well, I can't believe the stuff that is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. And I can't believe that both I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and the stuff that I can't believe is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter are both, in fact, not butter. And I believe... they both might be butter... in a cunning disguise. And, in fact, there's a lot more butter around than we all thought there was.
What, the birth of Jesus Christ? Otherwise known as the greatest story ever told.
Alice
Yeah, first time you hear it. But after that, it gets a bit predictable, innit? Man and woman get to inn, inn full, baby is born in manger, angels sing on high blah blah blah.
As I say, it's absolutely *vital* that she doesn't miss another Sunday. I need hardly remind you that we actually lost a couple of the older members of our congregation during last week's service.
Don't worry Frank, they were going to die anyway. And that fellow who stood up and said if this moron doesn't shut up soon I'm going to kill myself and then five minutes later shot himself in the head... well, he'd been gloomy for quite some time...
[Geraldine giving her Christmas sermon while heavily drunk] On this day, many many years ago, a child was born. And his name was ummm... his name was... gosh, I know this... it's in that book. Ummm... [looks at Alice for answer].
Jesus - no that's not right either. Doesn't matter, what's in a name? Important thing is... he was a very, very nice guy... apparently. (laughs) Two important things to remember about him. ONE, he loved all of us and he had a nice fluffy beard , and three, two, one - THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!!! [She collapses and falls off the pulpit. The congregation applauds].
[moves a large box] Sorry it's a bit of a mess. I just moved out of a student big flat in London it's gonna be a bit of a squeeze squeezing it all in so uh, well if you see anything you like the look of just steal it I'll never know.
[shakes her hand] Splendid! Well, what a surprise so I actually receive a visit from a neighbour. I lived on the same street in London for 15 whole years and the bell never rang once.
Alice
Oh, we had a bell like that... We wired it wrong...
The Vicar of Dibley · 78 quotes
Alice
