The Venture Bros. · Season 3
[Dr. Killinger appears in the stars and quotes from Shakespeare's "As You Like It."]
All the vorld's a stage, und all the men und women mearly players. They have their entrances und exits, und one man in his time plays many parts. His acts being seven ages...
[General Manhours appears with him.]
Heheh, you said it, Killer! And you can read more about it in The Bible!
White, I just remembered something...
What?
Everything...
Hello, Goldilocks? This is Casper. Little Nemo has fallen out of bed.
Barkeep! Another 'Suffering Bastard', if you please. [He falls down, receiving a call on his watch] ...Hello?
How could you just leave like that without telling me where you're going?
You're not my mother, you're my bodyguard.
How can I guard your body if I can't be close to your body?!
Oh, God. Barkeep, where's that Suffering Bastard?
I'm looking at him!
Oh Ha, Ha...
Please do not be alarmed. We are about to engage... The Nozzle. Please do not move while The Nozzle is engaging. Moving will disrupt calibration of... The Nozzle. Please wait while we calibrate... The Nozzle. Please do not look away from... The Nozzle. The Nozzle is now calibrating... The Nozzle is still calibrating... The Nozzle has completed calibration. Thank you.
The Nozzle retracts into the wall.
...You saw what he said, he’s not in the Guild of Calamitous Intent. It’s like a businessman’s club or something.
That’s what they said about the Bilderberg Group, son… and then whammo! Berlin Wall comes tumbling down.
No it hasn’t.
Oh, it will, kiddo. It was decided at the last meeting.
Oh, and Hunter, Wayland Flowers called, and he wants his Madam back. BOOM!
Yeah? Well, the Village People called, AND THEY WANT YOU TO GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF, YOU PRANCING BASTARD!
After an insulting encounter with OSI agents in flamboyant costumes, resembling the Village People.
This place has gone to hell in a ham sandwich since they eighty-sixed the dress code.
Cow's on my side. That's 6 - 2 me.
Monster! I'll catch you yet. [yelling out the window] Show yourselves, you cowards!! This is the farm belt, let's see some action on this side!!
Cow's on my side. 7 - 2.
Unconscionable bastard!!
Oh, oh! [pointing out Hunter's window] Cemetery! You lose all your cows!!
[pulls the car over] Damnit, this side's cursed! Your turn to drive, you lurid golem!
Just keep it up, Billy. We're getting some excellent intel out of you!
What intel? I've been here a day! I haven't done any spying yet!
Sure you have! That new eye of yours? It's actually a 3-D laser-matrix holographic camera! (indicating Billy's mechanical hand) And this little pud puller stores all the data!
You guys wired me?
Are you kidding? Why, you're a walking wire! And right now, you need to walk back in there and do you God-given duty! There are no free hands in this business, son!
(covering when Billy is at the door) I'm...sorry, Sheila, but if I extend the deadline for one student, I'd have to extend it for all of them.
Well, thank you anyway, Professor Fantomos.
[Billy finds out that the O.S.I. has been doing his homework for him so he is free to spy.]
But that's cheating!
Cheating is what the spy business is all about, boychik. Why, if we don't keep our eyes on our neighbor's paper, the baddies get the bomb and the whole world goes kablooie! You keep thinking you're here on the G.I. Bill or something, kid? YOU ARE NOT HERE TO WRITE ESSAYS! You're not even in college! You are in the Office of Secret Intelligence, you damn, dirty, crybaby FREAK!
Ahh! Young Mr. Wheylen! Do find a seat quickly, Quizboy. I was trying to teach your more punctual peers.
Sorry Professor... Fantomos. I had trouble finding the building.
Yes, yes. It’s a great big new world for you! And Mr. Quizboy I heard you were recently exonerated, but allow me to impress one thing upon you, we do not tolerate cheating at State University. The punishment, is severe!
Congratulations lad, you’re a fully matriculated student at State University.
I kinda wanted to go to MIT
[Rips open his shirt] And I wanted to be born with big, beautiful TITS! [to Brock] Make some lemonade with this, will you?
Don't you want to wait 'til Hunter gets here? You're gonna strain your voice yelling twice.
Colonel Gathers has been transferred to Guam, effective 0700 this morning. Your windmill chasing days are over, Sancho Panza, you've got a new assignment!
[looks over the file Haine just gave him] Ahhh come on, this is rookie stuff!
Dismissed, Samson!!
What about the kid?
What, do you want to adopt him? I said take it on the arches.
[Brock stands at attention and doesn't say a word.]
Psy-ops needs guinea pigs for their memory wipe project, okay? So unlike you, he still works here.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
