So I said, "Listen, my Dad invented UNIVAC, so I think I would know!" Well, that uppity little T.A. didn't give me any more trouble the rest of the semester.
[forces a laugh] You dog, you.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[hands Brock a tiny lunchbox] I packed a lunch for you. Bologna and cheese. And I cut the crusts off the way I like.
And I downloaded a bunch of crib notes into your communicator watch. You get stuck on one of the hard questions, just look it up.
VDr. Venture
What you are about to see is a nightmare, inexplicably torn from the pages of Kafka!
(he emerges from under the sheets)
Holy crap! What happened?
VDr. Venture
Apparently this is the reward I get for years of screwing with super-science. In short, I pissed in God's eye, and he blinked.
No worries, Brock. I'll walk you through the written portion. Question 1: You're in Prague. A sniper's in the window above you. There's an alligator behind you, and a grizzly bear in front of you. What do you do? Do you-
Back somersault, pry off the alligator's jaw, use it as a boomerang to take out the sniper. When he falls out the window, the grizzly'll go straight for the easier meal.
Uh... the answer's C.
You're nothing! You're weak! Why do you even wanna be a secret agent, boy? You think you're good enough?
[stops] Hank, seriously, when I get my license back I'm allowed to kill you.
Oh. [Hurriedly removes his foot] Sorry, Brock.
[He eyes a glass of raw eggs that Hank has given him] Did you spit in this?
Don't eyeball me, Samson! Drink it!
Come on Brock, you need strong cardio-vascular agility training!
[pause] No.
You don't need a license for operation "Get Me Some".
Tell him you're going out with the girls tonight or something, I don't care!
He's not buying it.
Ooo, I know! Tell him you think it's moving too fast.
(a stripper performs for Brock and Dr. Venture)
She's looking at me, what do I do?
Give her five bucks.
(Venture clumsily puts the bill into the stripper's thong but fumbles for change)
Don't worry, Brock. You'll be able to kill guys again in no time!
Little worried about that hickey, Doc. [Dr. Venture's is halfway covered in swelling redness]
VDr. Venture
Oh, Brock, don't worry. I'm not falling in love!
That's not what I-
VDr. Venture
And what would be wrong with that if I was? The boys need a new mommy. Rusty needs a new mommy.
We don't even know who our old mommy was.
VDr. Venture
Oh, that's right. I've never really told you about her. Well, she was- [horn honks outside] That'll be Charlene! Gotta run, boys! Don't stay up too late!!
Oh, you're back! You didn't miss much. Oh, one of them [the strippers] was dressed like a cheerleader and said she was 19, but she had a Caesarean scar and her face had more lines on it than a mirror at Studio 54.
Well, I scored your sample test, Brock, and well, you did better than Hank did, but let's just say you'll have to do awfully well on the physical portion.
No problem. Your training begins now! [takes Brock's dinner and gives him a glass of eggs] Drink up! Your ass is mine, Samson! When I get through with you, you're gonna eat lightning and crap thunder!
Looks more like he's gonna drink eggs and crap....eggs.
BBartender
Hey, if it isn't Frankenmullet. What can I do you for? [Brock slaps his new license to kill on the bar. The bartender turns, looks at it, and Brock launches over the bar at him]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.