Captain Liberty quotes from The Tick (live-action)

Captain Liberty

You haven't told your mother that you're... super?

Captain Liberty

I mean, what are our choices? On the one hand, you've got a bunch of musclebound mutants who think that just because they can bend steel, we're supposed to bend over... and the civilians, well, they're afraid we're gonna zap 'em with a ray and shrink their johnson!

Batmanuel

Batmanuel is a jealous ex-lover. If he cannot see you naked, then nobody can.

Captain Liberty

Wow. I'm not sure if that's romantic or just extra creepy.

Captain Liberty

I'm working on having him deported.

Batmanuel

She fears the demons I have awoken in her... womanly places.

Cap'n Liberty, what do we got?

Captain Liberty

What do we got? What are you, blind? What does it look like we got? We got a guy stuck halfway up a robot's ass. That's what we got.

Batmanuel

In my experience, there's only one guaranteed way to ever really know the truth - you must create it yourself.

Captain Liberty

And how do you do that?

Batmanuel

Lie.

Captain Liberty

Manuel, we're not lonely, are we?

Batmanuel

We? No. No, no, no, no. We're too attractive to be lonely.

Capt. Liberty

Yeah, but we are alone.

Batmanuel

I'm not alone. Uh, spinsters, shut-ins, toll booth attendants — these are alone people. Batmanuel is lone — as in Lone Ranger, or, uh, lone wolf. Alone is an unfortunate predicament. Lone is an aesthetic choice.

Capt. Liberty

How much?

Well, I suggest you spend some time with Lilith in the back, make sure you like her personality, and then we can talk price.

Capt. Liberty

Personality? He's a dog. He sits, he rolls over, he plays dead. How much?

I don't think I'm gonna be able to help you, ma'am. Why don't you go rent a videotape or something, instead of ruining some poor puppy's life with your single-woman hormone clock-is-ticking impulse-buying nonsense?

Capt. Liberty

Just sell me the damn dog.

She's not for sale — not to you. What you need is a singles chat-room, ma'am, not some living creature. Good day.

Liberty

My God, Tick! What planet are you living on?

Tick

Plant Me.

Liberty

Planet Stupid!

Batmanuel

Hey, don't take this out on the Tick! HE is not the one who took a national treasure to bed and then killed him with his pink secrets!

Captain Liberty

Shut up. You don't know a thing about me.

On the contrary, Janet, I know all about you. You're a Barbie doll trying to fit into a world of G.I. Joes. Dressed in your special little outfit by the fevered hands of your sweaty Uncle Sam — the only man who ever stayed in your life — who taught you how to fight, but not how to love. And all those boys... all they care about is peeling off that costume to find out if the doll inside is anatomically correct.

Batmanuel

This guy is great. He handles all my legal affairs.

Captain Liberty

What kind of legal affairs do you have?

Batmanuel

Batmanuel is mired in much litigation. For instance, I'm suing the makers of my codpiece. It was not properly fitted, causing severe shooting pains in my groin.

Capt. Liberty

Ouch.

Batmanuel

Yes — an "ouch" that will now cost them seven figures. Not that you can place a dollar amount on Batmanuel's groin area...

Captain Liberty

If you two were really my friends, you'd be supporting me instead of betraying me.

Tick

Captain Liberty, we are your friends... even though we're betraying you.