Directed by Craig Zisk. Written by Larry Charles.
“The License”
In this episode: Tick (4), Captain Liberty (3), Mrs. Glick (3), Batmanuel (2)
PPoliceman
Cap'n Liberty, what do we got?
What do we got? What are you, blind? What does it look like we got? We got a guy stuck halfway up a robot's ass. That's what we got.
[Captain Liberty discusses dating problems with fellow superheroine Medusa.]
I mean, what are our choices? On the one hand, you've got a bunch of musclebound mutants who think that just because they can bend steel, we're supposed to bend over... and the civilians, well, they're afraid we're gonna zap 'em with a ray and shrink their johnson!
LCLicense Clerk
I haven't got all day
Well we do Thelma, you can have half of ours! We'll share!
[At the police station, Tick meets a woman who claims he's her husband.]
Oh, Ted... Ted!
You hear that, Arthur? Ted!
I've been worried to death!
Oh, you poor zombie... that's no way to die.
[showing a photo] Here we are at the Grand Canyon. Do you remember being at the Grand Canyon?
TTTick/Ted
I remember vaguely making the Grand Canyon.
And here we are at the Eiffel Tower.
TTTick/Ted
I fell...
No, "Eiffel"
TTTick/Ted
You fell?
So, Arthur, how is your life post-Tick? And be prepared — if your answer is not scintillating, my interest will rapidly wane.
In my experience, there's only one guaranteed way to ever really know the truth - you must create it yourself.
And how do you do that?
Lie.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Tick (live-action) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.