Directed by Andrew Tsao. Written by Christopher McCullough.
“The Funeral”
In this episode: Tick (4), Batmanuel (3), Arthur (2), Captain Liberty (1)
[The Tick delivers an unscheduled eulogy at the funeral of the Immortal, a world-famous superhero.]
Death: the eternal blink. The capricious dance of now-you-stopped moving-forever. Well, contrary to popular belief, death is not just for dead people. It can happen to anybody. I know... it's news to me too.
I'm sorry, but it's just not cool.
Well, who made you the arbiter of cool?
It is Batmanuel's divine mission. He can do nothing about it.
My God, Tick! What planet are you living on?
Plant Me.
Planet Stupid!
Hey, don't take this out on the Tick! HE is not the one who took a national treasure to bed and then killed him with his pink secrets!
Life is your chance, Arthur! Grab it! Squeeze the milk of life into your dirty glass and drink it warm.
If you had asked out that girl at the Panda when I told you, you would be on a date right now instead of riding around in the makeshift hearse of your childhood hero! Just something to think about for next time.
[The Tick's funeral oration continues.]
Well, just for kicks, let's look at the word "funeral". Starts with the word "fun", doesn't it? All I see out there are a bunch of sad faces. Now the Grim Reaper is an ugly customer, I'll grant you that — but you know who's worse? Mister Mope!
[After a (possibly imaginary) pep-talk from the dead Immortal, Arthur approaches the girl he was too shy to ask out at the Panda earlier.]
Look, I'll probably be arrested soon... and after that, of course, I'll be dead. But before all that happens, I just wanted to say... hi.
[Government personnel at the Immortal's funeral have realized that the Tick isn't a scheduled speaker.]
MAMilitary Aide
the MP's are ready to tackle him off the stage, sir.
GGeneral
Belay that for the moment. I'm starting to like the cut of this man's gibberish.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Tick (live-action) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.