Arthur quotes from The Tick (live-action)

Arthur

Giving the Tick the Terror's phone number was like giving a, a child a loaded gun — pointing at me!

Arthur

I almost get killed a lot.

Arthur

Look, I'll probably be arrested soon... and after that, of course, I'll be dead. But before all that happens, I just wanted to say... hi.

Arthur

[on witness stand] Dance, fat-boy, DANCE!

Arthur

Yes. I'm anal retentive. Fine. Believe me, I would change that if I could.

Tick

Good Lord, man, retain that anus! One day its fruit may be the only thing that stands between us and total oblivion!

Arthur

We are not triumphant! All we did was crank-call an old man and-and give him a heart attack.

Tick

Wasn't Plan A, but it did the trick.

Do you want to go to dinner tomight?

Arthur

Very badly. But I'll have to —

Change? Don't you dare!

Arthur

You... want me to wear the suit?

Definitely! Dinner with a superhero — who wouldn't wanna be me tonight?

Tick

Well, Zordox, for one... Kid Psycho... the A-Hole...

Batmanuel

Herein you see the power of the suit. Women cannot resist the suit. Men cannot resist the suit. Dogs —

Arthur

Yeah, I get it. So you think she's only talking to me because of the suit?

Batmanuel

I am only talking to you because of the suit.

Arthur

Mister-Mister Fishladder!

Arthur... it is still "Arthur", isn't it? Arthur, my time is worth seventeen dollars a second. I want an explanation, and I want it to cost less than fifteen hundred dollars. Go!

Arthur

Oh. Uh, well, it's a little hard to explain —

Fifty-one dollars.

Arthur

Mr. Fishladder, I have been living a lie. I am more than just a mild-mannered accountant. Now, I do good work for this firm and I value my job. It's just... my entire life has become nothing but numbers and deductions and IRA's.

Two hundred fifty-five dollars.

Arthur

Granted, I have been doing my parents' tax returns since I was six — but even then I knew I had a higher calling. I can't hide from it any longer. I —

Don't say it!

Arthur

I am going to become a superhero! You know... part-time, at first...

Christ in heaven, look at yourself! You're built like a sensible shoe! You shouldn't be jumping around in a body-sock fighting crime!

Arthur

Well, I haven't actually fought any crime yet.

Good! Keep it that way! Crime fights back! Remember the lesson of Metcalf.

Arthur

Metcalf?

METCALF! Head of Shipping and Receiving, third floor. Metcalf! He lost all his game pieces just like you, cashed in his 401k, and bought a jetpack. Now the poor bastard needs a machine — to POOP!

Arthur

Mr. Fishladder, I know that sort of thing can happen, but —

But you're gonna ride this thing out to the bloody, gruesome end, aren't you?

Arthur

Well, maybe not all the way to the end but... you know, for a while. Mr. Fishladder, I have to try.

Time's up. Here's the way I see it: you're either a man with a job or an idiot in a bunny suit. You can't be both - not at Worldwide Fishladder & Sons. So what's it gonna be, huh?

Arthur

They may call us an accountant, but we can't deny our true nature... even if all our friends and relatives tell us we're good at math. The hero's life - our destiny!

Arthur

I'm not moth-man, I'm not a superhero... I'm not even an accountant anymore! I'm just Arthur.

Tick

Arthur, listen to me carefully. I believe in you! I always have! That's why I'm here. Destiny dressed you this morning my friend, and now Fear is trying to pull off your pants. If you give up, if you give in, you're gonna end up naked with Fear just standing there laughing at your dangling unmentionables!

Tick

...and that's how we defeated our first supervillain, and how Arthur learned to fly, and how we gave Jimmy Carter a mild concussion.

Arthur

We saved an ex-president!

Tick

Yet the evening's greatest victory is the partnership forged between this heroic duo! Friends to the end — bonded together by the Krazy-Glue of justice! Til death to they part!

Batmanuel

I must say, I find your sister strangely compelling. Do you think she'd care to go —

Arthur

What? NO! She's married. She's got two kids.

Batmanuel

Oh — yes, I thought I knew that scent! A soccer mommy! It's my only weakness.

Arthur

Toilets... don't... talk. They DON'T!

Tick

Well, that's a "maybe" in my book.

Arthur

How did you find me?

Tick

I just walked around and yelled a lot.

Arthur

So, Tick, you know, I've been thinking. We have it pretty good. We fill in each other's weak spots. You're bulletproof, for instance, while I'm not.

Tick

True — but it's your firm grip on reality that keeps our ship on course.

Arthur

Well... yeah, I guess you're right...

Tick

Guess, nothin'! You're on a first-name basis with lucidity, little friend. I have to call it Mister Lucidity... and that's no good in a pinch.

Arthur

I just don't wanna turn into Blaze and Fire, okay?

Tick

Good heavens, man, what kind of crazy Frankenscience could make that possible?