Batmanuel quotes from The Tick (live-action)

Batmanuel

[With a scorpion on his chest.] Hello...I got the poison lobster here.

Batmanuel

So, Arthur, how is your life post-Tick? And be prepared — if your answer is not scintillating, my interest will rapidly wane.

Batmanuel

If you had asked out that girl at the Panda when I told you, you would be on a date right now instead of riding around in the makeshift hearse of your childhood hero! Just something to think about for next time.

Batmanuel

Another urban myth dispelled. Ninjas don't bounce.

Batmanuel

Herein you see the power of the suit. Women cannot resist the suit. Men cannot resist the suit. Dogs —

Arthur

Yeah, I get it. So you think she's only talking to me because of the suit?

Batmanuel

I am only talking to you because of the suit.

Batmanuel

Batmanuel is a jealous ex-lover. If he cannot see you naked, then nobody can.

Captain Liberty

Wow. I'm not sure if that's romantic or just extra creepy.

Make it fast!

Batmanuel

Batmanuel never makes it fast. That is, unless the husband is in the other room.

Captain Liberty

I'm working on having him deported.

Batmanuel

She fears the demons I have awoken in her... womanly places.

Batmanuel

I must say, I find your sister strangely compelling. Do you think she'd care to go —

Arthur

What? NO! She's married. She's got two kids.

Batmanuel

Oh — yes, I thought I knew that scent! A soccer mommy! It's my only weakness.

Batmanuel

In my experience, there's only one guaranteed way to ever really know the truth - you must create it yourself.

Captain Liberty

And how do you do that?

Batmanuel

Lie.

Captain Liberty

Manuel, we're not lonely, are we?

Batmanuel

We? No. No, no, no, no. We're too attractive to be lonely.

Capt. Liberty

Yeah, but we are alone.

Batmanuel

I'm not alone. Uh, spinsters, shut-ins, toll booth attendants — these are alone people. Batmanuel is lone — as in Lone Ranger, or, uh, lone wolf. Alone is an unfortunate predicament. Lone is an aesthetic choice.

Batmanuel

I'm sorry, but it's just not cool.

Arthur

Well, who made you the arbiter of cool?

Batmanuel

It is Batmanuel's divine mission. He can do nothing about it.

Liberty

My God, Tick! What planet are you living on?

Tick

Plant Me.

Liberty

Planet Stupid!

Batmanuel

Hey, don't take this out on the Tick! HE is not the one who took a national treasure to bed and then killed him with his pink secrets!

Batmanuel

This guy is great. He handles all my legal affairs.

Captain Liberty

What kind of legal affairs do you have?

Batmanuel

Batmanuel is mired in much litigation. For instance, I'm suing the makers of my codpiece. It was not properly fitted, causing severe shooting pains in my groin.

Capt. Liberty

Ouch.

Batmanuel

Yes — an "ouch" that will now cost them seven figures. Not that you can place a dollar amount on Batmanuel's groin area...