Can I go to the bathroom before we leave?
Oh, we gotta get home. I don't wanna miss Inside the Actors Studio. Tonight it's F. Murray Abraham.
But I really...
F...MURRAY...ABRAHAM!
“Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble” · Season 10
In this episode: Homer Simpson (6), Marge Simpson (3), Grampa Simpson (2), Moe Szyslak (1), Lenny Leonard (1), Carl Carlson (1)
MMoe
Well, I gotta hand it to you, Homer, you're really brave to go through with this operation.
It's not an operation, Moe. The doctor says it's just a procedure.
MMoe
No, no, no - making polenta, that's a procedure. You're talking about deadly life-threatening surgery here.
[worried] Really? You think It's dangerous?
Oh yeah, and even if you survive the operation--
Procedure! Deadly procedure.
Whatever; the point is, with only one kidney, you won't be able to drink yourself stupid no more.
Now you're just trying to scare me.
Plus, they'll put you on one of those organ donor sucker lists. Everyone who wants an eyeball or a spine or a vestigial tail will be after ya!
But I don't want that!
MMoe
Listen, I'm just gonna get right to the point here - can I have your buttocks? I mean, if you die. They look pretty comfortable.
Yeah, I guess...
And, uh, are those your original lips?
Well, actually I-- Hey! Quit harvesting me with your eyes! [storms out of the bar]
MMoe
[watching him leave] Oh yeah, that would look so good on me!
Marge, I've been thinking - what if instead of donating one of my old worn-out kidneys, I gave Grampa that artificial kidney I invented?
Homer, that was just a beer can with a whistle glued to it.
If I die during the operation, will you do one thing for me?
Oooh, anything, sweetheart.
[serious tone] Blow up the hospital.
Am I dead yet?
No.
How about now?
[losing patience] No.
Now?
I'll tell you when you're dead, Grampa.
Thank you.
[after hearing Homer's story of how he ran away from his dying father after promising him one of his kidneys]
CPConcertina Player
[in a French accent] I stole this accordion from a blind monkey, but you [spits] You disgust even me!
[After being tossed off of the Ship of Lost Souls, AKA Honeybunch, watching it sail away into the fog]
That's the last time I trust the strangest people on Earth!
I'm the luckiest man in the world, now that Lou Gehrig's dead.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.