“Bart the Lover” · Season 3
In this episode: Homer Simpson (2), Marge Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Bart Simpson (1), Ned Flanders (1), Todd (1), Maude Flanders (1)
[The Flanders family is sitting at the dinner table]
Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Hell, no.
[The rest of the Flanders all gasp]
[sternly] What did you say?
I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
All right, that's it, young man! No Bible Stories for you tonight!
[Todd runs upstairs crying]
Weren't you a little hard on him?
Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.
[Homer is still trying to build the doghouse when he accidentally hits his finger with his hammer]
Oh...fudge. That's broken. [steps on a nail] Fiddle-dee-dee! That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear... [turns red in anger] but I am going to KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN! [starts screaming gibberish and kicking the doghouse]
[Marge and Lisa arrive, towing a brand-new doghouse in a wagon]
Dad, this is a not a comment on your skills, but we bought you a new doghouse.
Where'd you get the money?
Well, there was more than enough in the swear jar. And if you look closer there's a special surprise for you.
[Maggie crawls out]
Maggie. Oh. Cute.
No, behind her!
[reaches in and pulls out a six-pack of Duff and gasps] Beer! How did you know?
[About Bart's fake love letters to Mrs. Krabappel]
Bart, you did a very cruel thing.
Boy, you've got to go to your teacher and tell her the truth.
No, Homer, the truth will humiliate her!
Oh, Marge, I only said it because I thought that's what you wanted to hear!
Maybe we should write her another letter. One that says goodbye, but lets her feel loved.
Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty! [writing on paper] "Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."
We'll all help.
[Later]
"Though I'll be inoculating babies in Kampuchea, my heart will always be with you."
That sucks. How about "crocodiles bit off my face"?
That's disgusting! And besides, when a woman lives a man, it doesn't matter that a crocodile bit off his face.
I may hold you to that, Marge.
[Even later]
Okay, okay - "I cannot see you for the next five years, for I will be farming the ocean floor."
[imitates buzzer] EEGH! "I must finish this letter quickly, for I have only four minutes to live."
Three simple words: "I am gay!"
Homer, for the last time, I am not putting that in.
[Even later, as Maggie sleeps]
"And anytime I hear the wind blow, it will whisper the name 'Edna'."
[writing it down] Oh, that's very good, Lisa.
"P.S., I am gay."
[Marge and Lisa grumble]
How shall we end it?
How about "with a love that will echo through the ages"?
[impressed] Awww!
Oh, that's sweet!
Homer, you old honey-dripper!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
