Now I'll be Sir Bert! Defender of the feeble, champion of the weak and employee of the month! The shining knight of the Evergreen Forest!
Make that blazing idiot, bandit face!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(whispering) What's going on?
(whispering) I don't know Ralph. But make like it's part of the play. The show must go on. (Speaks to audience) I have the most wonderful news! The royal family is coming to our forest.
The royal family? Coming to our forest? How soon do they arrive?
Er, um, I don't know. They should be here in a few minutes... unless they stopped for some last minute shopping!
What?! Er, last minute shopping?
They're coming to bestow a special honour on one of our own! It's to be a surprise!
You're telling me.
Er, what brings you, fair knight, to our forest?
I was just in the neighbourhood... I er... I just thought I'd drop by. (he slips and falls over, causing the audience to laugh)
Because by noon on the 13th, this deceiving Daily dupes the unwitting public for the last time!
POPig One
But sir, they only print the facts!
Facts? I'll give you facts! The life expectancy of a loudmouth pig is shortened every time it opens it's mouth! Understand?
Nobody can make gold! It's impossible!
The impossible is what I specialise in!
You. Start counting.
Yes sir.
One, two, four, five, six...
You missed three!
Oh, I did? (laughs nervously) I've always had problems with geometry!
Only one person's gonna get that contract and that's me!
Says who, big shot?
Says me, hose nose!
Me without Cedric is like peanut butter without bananas, campfires without marshmallows...
(To Schaeffer) Bert without a messy room!
(singing) You can smell him from a mile, he's a man of wealth and style, the type that always makes the "ten best dressed"! Should that odour fill your air, beware! You're smelling millionaire, it's the man who knows the sweet smell of success!
We got a little help from that foghorn!
WHAT?! That was ME singing!
Gee, I thought it sounded familiar!
Those pigs couldn't win an ant over with a picnic!
This new cologne of mine is the greatest invention since the tax dodge!
This success must not fail!
POPig One
You'll be in demand all across the globe! In France... (Shows a projection of an amateurish cartoon of the band)
PTPig Two
Nice picture Lloyd!
POPig One
Thank you! ...In India, in Egypt...
PTPig Two
...and in Cleveland!
Cleveland? Wow! This sounds terrific!
POPig One
If you come and work for Sneer Industries we'll make you all stars, plus you'll make a lot of money!
(murmurs) Huh, for the boss!
Bert, isn't it a bit unusual to be up this early?
Nonsense Melissa, every day Bert rises at the crack of noon!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Raccoons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.