A character in The Penguins of Madagascar
Played by Jeff Bennett
The Penguins of Madagascar · 78 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in The Penguins of Madagascar: in 34 of its 78 quotes
Most scenes with: Skipper (21), Private (16), Rico (7)
KowalskiPrivate, do you honestly like Skipper's monkfish surprise?
[trance] No. It tastes like elephant sweat, but everyone pretends to like it to spare Skipper's fragile ego.
[despaired] My whole life... is a lie!
Private/Skipper, you've got to stop me!!
[in response to the first future Kowalski] Um... okay. Kowalski, stop, please.
[in response to and kicks the second future Kowalski] There, you're stopped.
No, not me, me! That me!
There's 2 of you?
[kneeling down at the statue of liberty sunken in snow cone shavings] Kowalski, you maniac! You did it. [pounding on the floor] You finally did it.
KowalskiYeah, but you got to admit, these are pretty good snow cones. [picking up snow cone offering to Skipper]
Yeah, totally worth it. [licking on snow cone]
KowalskiWhen they blow up the shot, we are going to be plastered across every billboard and bus stop in Manhattan.
Oh, dear! Our cover will be blown!
KowalskiWell, it gets worse. Skipper, you better have a look at this. [hands Skipper his binocluars]
[looks closer at the photo] What? I don't see-- Wait. What is that stuck to my foot? Is that...?
KowalskiIt is. Toilet tissue.
T.P. foot?! Insult to injury!
KowalskiComparing it to this tissue sample, I would say it is two-- no, three-ply! So, you know, there's... that.
[At the Lemur Habitat, wooden debris is seen falling from the sky from Rico's Explosion]
That was the most "awesome-est" thing I have ever seen that wasn't me!
[Rico laughs with joy at being able to blow something up]
Rico! [The other Penguins show up at the Lemur Habitat, all looking angry] Who authorized that billboard detonation, hmm?!
Who authorized anybody to care? Ha! The shiny face sign is gone, and there was exploding! Haha! High-five the awesome baby!
Alright! [high-fives with Julien]
Kowalski[to Skipper with reminding words] You did tell him to take care of King Julien's problem...
You know? I can think of many other things that also could use a good "Kabooming," if you know what I mean!
[Rico tingles all over while giving a content shudder of ecstasy at the thought]
Whoa, Ringtail! There's a reason we don't let Rico go wild with the kaboom. He needs a guiding hand to pull him back before things go too far-- [Rico and Julien then doze off from Skipper's warning about Rico's problem, instead imagining what they can blow up by constantly repeating the phrase "Kaboom" in their heads] --fiery end of life as we know it! Comprende?
[monotoned] Kaboom! Kaboom!
[regains consciousness] Uh-heh, I mean, of course! It is unwise that we two shall Kaboom together [winks to Rico] ever again.
Why are you winking?
Because, I'm... allergic to, uh... Shut up, okay?
[Julien pushes The Penguins out of his habitat]
I was handling it just fine, until you came charging in here like a herd of angry rhinos! [gets trampled by a stampede of rhinos] At least I didn't say like a herd of angry elephants. [gets trampled by a stampede of elephants] Okay, okay, but at least I didn't say a city bus. [gets run over by a city bus] Okay. I see what I did there. But at least I didn't say--
Nothing. You didn't say nothing, and you didn't think nothing.
KowalskiDespite Skipper's double negatives, I trust our point is becoming clear.
OK, guys. That's 9:00! Unbolt the doors...
[The store doors are packed with many people]
....and stand back!
[A store employee and a horde of angry people start rampaging for the new Chatty Miss Perky doll. One person runs on Rico, Kowalski ducks and screams, and a person picks up Private. Private farts on that person's face, blowing his hat off.]
Oooh.
[referring to Private] Talking penguin? [he shakes him] What is this? 2005?
[The man tosses Private back on the floor]
Aaaaaahhhhh!
[He crashes on the floor joining the other penguins. On the empty aisle shelf, the Chatty! sign from the doll's logo, hangs briefly, then falls. The penguins are beat up from the fight. Rico is on a tricycle wheel hanging upside down. Skipper sits up, his eyes rolling dizzily as he smiles goofily.]
Kowalski[exhausted] Maybe at a different toy store?
[Later, at another toy store, Skipper is seen screaming because of the same doll rampage and he gets kicked by a person. Private is stepped on his head, Rico is squashed by a man's shoe. A person kicks Kowalski, crashing into the other penguins.]
Kowalski[woozy] Perhaps direct from the factory?
What in the name of incense and peppermints?! [opens the bead curtains, sees Rico, and is horrified] No... NO... NOOOOOOOO!!!
What is it, Skipper?!
Kowalski[gasps in horror]
He's gone... HIPPIE. [Rico is shown dressed in hippie attire and playing the bongos next to Ms. Perky]
[Skipper is discussing the value of the diamond necklace.]
Yes, the kind of riches that turns men into animals and animals into… Kowalski what’s more savage than animals?
KowalskiHmmm… malfunctioning garbage disposals?
C’mon, you’re not even trying.
[During the snowball fight.]
Kowalski[mourning a destroyed Tiny Tim decoration] They got... Tiny Tim.
You may strike our decorations, but you shall never conquer the spirit of Charles Dickens!
KowalskiAnd his razor-brimmed top hat! [tosses his top hat] H'yah!
[The top hat lands on a snowman's head.]
Actually, I don't believe Dickens had a razor-brimmed hat.
KowalskiLearn your history, chimp.
[Willing to see Shauna, Private veers to the right and blatantly avoids the Deli and descends to the right ground.]
Uh? Kowalski, what’s on the right side of the Deli?
KowalskiI believe that would be Gunnerson’s Home of Rusty Bear Traps.
[facepalms] Oh boy...
[Private falls there and shouts in pain as the sound of bear traps snapping is heard.]
"Accident-prone", Private? Oh, I've seen accident-prone. Try Manfredi and Johnson, with a Chinese lantern, and six bottles of rocket fuel!!!
KowalskiWorst talent show ever.
[The penguins have rigged a pretzel cart to fly in the air to escape Officer X.]
And at 400 feet and climbing, I don't think there's much chance of running into him. We're home free. [high-fives Rico and Kowalski]
I guess you're right, Skipper. You know, unless Officer X did something like hide inside the pretzel cart before we took off. Well, you have to admit it's kind of strange. We ran all over the zoo, carrying supplies, and didn't see Officer X. Not even once. I'm just saying it's possible that Officer X could have anticipated our plan and might have hidden in the cart's pretzel compartment before we took off.
[The penguins look at Private, then laugh at his idea.]
That has to be just the most ridiculous...
KowalskiYou can't possibly imagine the stasticical improbabilty that... Well...
[becoming scared] That Officer X - the Officer X - is hiding... down there.
Kowalski[also becoming scared] Just... inches... below our... very feet.
Well, the very idea... I mean, it's... it's just that it's so...
KowalskiIt's so... So, so-so, so, so...
[panics] SO TOTALLY OBVIOUS!!! BATTLE STATIONS!!! [the penguins make battle stances outside the pretzel compartment door] On three... One... Two... I can't do it! I mean, what if he's really in there? What if he leaps out with one of those witty one-liners? Probably something about pretzels.
KowalskiSomething like, "I'll bet you never expected this twist."
Exactly!
So we’re stuck with the stupid Kowalski, well maybe it’s a good thing. I mean we were all getting tired of his big high, fleeting words like recalcitrant, right? I mean, what is that? Recalcitrant. Do I like recalcitrant to you?
Uh huh.
KowalskiOh YEAH! Up high!
Boys! Butter me up.
KowalskiYour leadership is impeccable and your musk is an intoxicating blend of danger and… ugh.” [Skipper slaps him] Right. [sees the tray of butter and realizes what Skipper was referring to.]
SkipperTom McGrath · 40 quotes
PrivateJames Patrick Stuart · 25 quotes
King JulienDanny Jacobs · 19 quotes
RicoJohn DiMaggio · 13 quotes
MortAndy Richter · 10 quotes
MarleneNicole Sullivan · 7 quotes
MauriceKevin Michael Richardson · 7 quotes
AAlice4 quotes
Dr. BlowholeNeil Patrick Harris · 4 quotes
FCThe fish craving penguins3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Penguins of Madagascar pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.