Skipper quotes from The Penguins of Madagascar, page 3 ... TV Quotes Database

Played by Tom McGrath

Most-quoted character in The Penguins of Madagascar: in 40 of its 78 quotes
Most scenes with: Kowalski (21), Private (15), King Julien (9)

Scenes with Skipper 34

Skipper

"Accident-prone", Private? Oh, I've seen accident-prone. Try Manfredi and Johnson, with a Chinese lantern, and six bottles of rocket fuel!!!

Kowalski

Worst talent show ever.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[The penguins have rigged a pretzel cart to fly in the air to escape Officer X.]

Skipper

And at 400 feet and climbing, I don't think there's much chance of running into him. We're home free. [high-fives Rico and Kowalski]

Private

I guess you're right, Skipper. You know, unless Officer X did something like hide inside the pretzel cart before we took off. Well, you have to admit it's kind of strange. We ran all over the zoo, carrying supplies, and didn't see Officer X. Not even once. I'm just saying it's possible that Officer X could have anticipated our plan and might have hidden in the cart's pretzel compartment before we took off.

[The penguins look at Private, then laugh at his idea.]

Skipper

That has to be just the most ridiculous...

Kowalski

You can't possibly imagine the stasticical improbabilty that... Well...

Skipper

[becoming scared] That Officer X - the Officer X - is hiding... down there.

Kowalski

[also becoming scared] Just... inches... below our... very feet.

Skipper

Well, the very idea... I mean, it's... it's just that it's so...

Kowalski

It's so... So, so-so, so, so...

Skipper

[panics] SO TOTALLY OBVIOUS!!! BATTLE STATIONS!!! [the penguins make battle stances outside the pretzel compartment door] On three... One... Two... I can't do it! I mean, what if he's really in there? What if he leaps out with one of those witty one-liners? Probably something about pretzels.

Kowalski

Something like, "I'll bet you never expected this twist."

Skipper

Exactly!

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Skipper

So we’re stuck with the stupid Kowalski, well maybe it’s a good thing. I mean we were all getting tired of his big high, fleeting words like recalcitrant, right? I mean, what is that? Recalcitrant. Do I like recalcitrant to you?

Rico

Uh huh.

Kowalski

Oh YEAH! Up high!

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Skipper

Boys! Butter me up.

Kowalski

Your leadership is impeccable and your musk is an intoxicating blend of danger and… ugh.” [Skipper slaps him] Right. [sees the tray of butter and realizes what Skipper was referring to.]

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Private

[he suddenly goes crazy] Sardines? FISH! [he runs towards Rico, who kicks him away and glares angrily]

[Private smacks into the wall and is held back by Skipper and Kowalski before he can get away]

Kowalski

Private!

Skipper

Private! Explain yourself, soldier!

Private

FISH! [laughs crazily]

Skipper

[creeped out] Kowalski, analysis!

[Kowalski measures Private's head and puts a magnifying glass next to Private's right eye]

Kowalski

Crazy eyes...[ puts a popsicle stick on Private's tongue. Private waves his flippers up and down] Babbling tongue...

[Private bites Kowalski's flipper, frees himself of their grip and runs to Rico, who pushes Private over]

Private

FISH!

Kowalski

Egad! I believe our Norwegian herring was a bit too aged.

Skipper

Never ever blame the fish, Kowalski!

Kowalski

But don't you see? [pulls out a clipboard & pencil] Private's contracted Bacterial, Pisces Dementia! A rare brain disease that's turning him into a fish-craving psychopath!

Rico

Hey! That's my thing!

Skipper

Yeah, we don't need two of those. Can he be cured?

Kowalski

It should wear off in 24 hours just as long as he doesn't feed the disease. [pulls up a chart with a fish on it] That means no fish of any kind. If Private ingests so much as a single sardine, he'll be like this forever.

Private

[he launches at the chart] FISH!

[Rico, slyly, puts the sardines in front of Private's face and pulls it away, when he tries to get it, Kowalski and Skipper hold him back and Private yells, "FISH!" Rico does it again and again and again]

Skipper

Stop that!

Kowalski

Well, on the bright side, maybe this will teach Private not to overindulge in so much brined herring. [chuckles]

Skipper

Wait, didn't you eat as much as he did? [Kowalski's right eye moves away then back to normal before showing he's been affected by the disease.]

Kowalski

Why, yes I...dooby-dooby-did! FISH!! [he lunges at Rico, but he pushes him away. Skipper keeps the two penguins away from the fish, slapping them repeatedly.]

Skipper

Looks like we're on psycho patrol, amigo. No fish for these two for the next 24 hours.

Rico

[suspicious] Uhh, what about you?

Skipper

[confidently; still slapping] Luckily, my iron-clad constitution has made me immune to this Pisces Dementia.

Rico

Oh. [looks at him]

Skipper

Seriously. [Rico stares at him again] No effect. [Rico gives one serious look] Iron-clad constitution.

[Rico smiles, thinking that it should be all right. Unfortunately, Rico panics as he stops hearing Skipper slapping Private and Kowalski. He stares at Skipper, seeing that he was affected by the disease like Private and Kowalski.]

Skipper

FIIIISH!

Rico

AHHH! [Rico quickly eats the sardines and is chased around the HQ by the three fish-craving penguins. He blocks the door.]

Rico

Uh-uh-uh! No fish!

AAlice

[from outside] Feeding time!

FCThe fish craving penguins

[pause for a while before charging up the ladder] FIIIISH!

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[Skipper and Alex are dodging Dr. Blowhole's missiles.]

AAlex

Way to stick the landing! You were born to dance!

Skipper

[shocked] You mean like a pretty little ballerina?

AAlex

You know, you are suprisingly light on those little webbed toes. Not unlike a pretty little ballerina.

[Zoom in on Skipper's horrified face.]

Skipper

[anguished] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[Skipper falls to his knees as Alex jumps out of the way, letting a missile fly overhead Skipper, blowing up a rock behind him. In Dr. Blowhole's lair, a monitor reads "IMPACT".]

Dr. Blowhole

Wait! Rewind a little!

[The lobster rewinds the audio.]

SSSkipper's voice

[on monitor] Hans!

Dr. Blowhole

Too far back, fast forward.

[The lobster forwards the audio.]

BSDr. Blowhole's voice

[on monitor] Wait! Rewind a little!

Dr. Blowhole

Too forward!

[The lobster rewinds the audio again.]

SSSkipper's voice

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Dr. Blowhole

No, no, that's it! Freeze it!

LLobster

You want me to freeze sound, Doc?

Dr. Blowhole

That is definitely the scream of an arch-enemy who has met his doom. [snickers evilly]

LLobster

I mean, I can freeze picture, but sound exists in a continuum.

Dr. Blowhole

I get it. Whatever.

LLobster

It's just that you ask me to do the impossible, and not the first time, I might add.

Dr. Blowhole

[threateningly] You know that big pot of water in the back, that I keep at a steady, slow boil, next to the movie butter?

LLobster

[scared] Sound is frozen.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Skipper

One mistake little friend, we are like the three musketeers, except there are four of us and we’re birds and in no way French, but the same team mentality applies.

DDale

Couldn't care less.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Skipper

Those dashed hopes would plant a dark seed of bitterness in Private's pure heart. And that baby seed will grow into a tree of hate, with leaves of cynicsm, jaded roots, and bitter hipster berries!

Private

[as a hipster in the vision] I wear glasses even though I don't need them, 'cause I'm ironic.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[Private tries to use his Quantum Hyper Cute, only for his feathers to fall out as he does.]

Kowalski

Of course, the itchy feathers. He's... [gasps] molting!

Rico

[disgusted] Ew!

Skipper

To the bunker! And cover the Private's shame.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business