What did you guys talk about?
Oh, just you know--politics, literature... [holds up Hooter's T-shirt]
I hate you.
S2 E13The Secret
S2 E14The Carpet
I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.
Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, "Uhh... no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."
S2 E15Boys and Girls
It's a terrible idea.
What is?
Them in there all together. They stay in there too long, they're gonna get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.
[Dwight and company are descending into the warehouse for a "men's day"]
Remember on Lost when they met "the Others"?
S2 E16Valentine's Day
Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
Nervous? No, I'm not nervous. Well, I mean, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. Um, the new CFO is judging me on this too. And, well, it is Michael. So... yeah, I'm very nervous.
S2 E17Dwight's Speech
[giving a speech at a paper selling conference] BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY!
When I was in the 6th grade, I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word "failure".
S2 E18Take Your Daughter to Work Day
Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. "lilkidlover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something... right?
That is correct.
[after Kelly tells him about Ryan talking to Stanley's daughter] That little girl is a child. I don't wanna see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon. Do you understand?
Yes s-
Boy, have you lost your mind, 'cause I'll help you find it! Whatcha lookin' for? Ain't nobody gonna help you out there! Jesus is gonna come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child!
Okay.
[cuts to Ryan in an interview]
Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
S2 E19Michael's Birthday
[After he didn't tip the sub man] Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?
S2 E20Drug Testing
Do you want to give Michael your urine?
[deeply sincere] I want him to have all the urine he needs.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.