Pam, you're trustworthy.
Thank you.
And a woman.
Oh no.
S2 E8Performance Review
I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit, and I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.
S2 E9Email Surveillance
I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections... there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...
My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. [sighs] He is very real.
S2 E10Christmas Party
Everyone, this is my boyfriend Bob.
Kevin Malone.
BVBob Vance
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Stanley Hudson.
BVBob Vance
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan Howard.
BVBob Vance
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
[pause]
What line of work you in, Bob?
Happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.
Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anyone.
S2 E11Booze Cruise
You know what Brenda, could we have a moment alone?
BBrenda
Jan said if you asked me that I was supposed to say no.
You know what? I would save the receptionist. Just wanted to clear that up.
*throws up in barf bag* I'm on medication.
BBrenda
Really? What?
Vomicillin.
Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone?
How about the sales team is the sails?
[nonplussed] Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good.
S2 E12The Injury
I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon--sue me--and since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.
[calling from the conference room] Pam, come in here please.
Tell me before I come there.
[Apprehensively] I want you rub butter on my foot.
No.
Please? I have Country Crock.
[Jim and Michael are driving a concussed Dwight to the hospital in Meredith's van. Dwight is opening a bottle of whisky]
Dwight, what're you doing
I found it under the seat.
Oh my God! Dwight! Put it down!
I'm thirsty. [Jim sprays him] No!
Give the bottle to Michael.
No. I'm thirsty.
Give the bottle to me, Dwight. [To Jim] Just keep your eyes on the road. Give me the bottle or you're fired.
You can't fire me! I don't work in this van!
Give it to me, Dwight! [tries to grab it]
No. [takes a sip] Mmm... [babbles insanely]
S2 E13The Secret
If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I'd ever been here. And I'd forget, too.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.