The Nanny · Season 1
(looking closely at a picture) Aha, just as i thought, Kurt's teeth are capped.
What?
I'm not making it up, look, look you can see the little ridges. (holds the picture to her face)
Maxwell, what is wrong with you today? If you're not gonna pay any attention to me, i might as well just go home.
(opens the window and wistles) TAXI?
[Lamb Chop freaks out when C.C. walks in wearing a wool coat]
What did I do?
Ms. Babcock, your coat. New Zealand Lamb?
So?
Maybe she had people there?!
Take. It. Off.
Three words she doesn't hear often. [Niles & Lamb Chop fist-pump together]
Niles, isn't that sweet? You're bonding with the sheep. Not the first one, I'm sure.
Bravo. You win. Every dog has her day.
Incoming! [Holds open the door for Shari while still holding a laundry basket]
Thank you very much, Niles.
Mmm-hmm.
[Niles lets go of the door, as it swings closed, a thump is heard]
Oof! [Opens the door, holding her head] Didn't you see me?!
What's your point?
(to Maxwell) My room later (licks Maxwell's ear and maxwell being shocked grabs his ear and stands up beside Fran)
(to Maxwell) Better wear a rubber glove (maxwell gets a shocked look on his face when Fran says that)
Well, I said it. I knew you'd find some way to blame it all on me.
[eavesdropping, from outside] Yes, she did, sir.
But I've got a plan.
Yes, she does, sir.
And as you know, my plans never fail.
[She waits for a response, and then elbows the door.]
[bursts into laughter]
Excuse me, I need a doctor.
What are your symptoms?
I'm 30 and still single.
That's funny... 30!
[Fran is sitting in a hospital room; the telephone rings and Fran looks suspicious]
[suspiciously] Hello?... Ma, how did you find me here?... Well what's the emergency?... Ma, Mike Douglas isn't on Channel 4 because they cancelled him 22 years ago! Would you spring for a new TV Guide?
[Fran, disguised as a nurse, is forced to shave an unconscious Maxwell for an emergency appendectomy. She applies the shaving cream and is nervously "spreading" it when Niles walks in on her]
Bucking for a raise?
My sister has always wanted everything that I've had. My clothes, my toys. Once, I actually got a shag haircut just because I knew she'd look lousy in it. Took me twelve weeks to grow out but she looked like Cousin Itt.
You're off your bloody rocker, you know that? Thank God you're not operating heavy machinery, just raising my children.
Well congratulations Miss Fine, you were right about your sister. Is there anyone in your family that isn't a complete lunatic?
Hey! I'll have to get back to you with that one, but hey!
Pamela Chapman's so gorgeous, even her mother hates her.
Sweetie, you've gotta have more self-confidence. All of those over-developed girls just peak in high school.
Yeah, remember that girl from our school who was so beautiful and so popular that everyone thought she would own the world. Then her fiancé dumped her, she got fired from her job and she wound up working as a na— [stops]
No what i want right now is to be in a pub with my hands wrapped around a tall larger
A larger? Do the kids know that you're considering an alternate lifestyle?
It's a beer, Miss. Fine.
Oh well speak english
If you had absolutely no intention of going through with this album cover in the first place. What are we arguing about?
Well i have no idea i can't shake the image of you picking up Paul Bunyan in a bar
God, it would be easier to have them raised by wolves.
Ms. Fine, I heard about the contest and I just can't bear the thought of you feeling badly about yourself.
Thank you, Mr. Sheffield. That's awfully sweet of you but, really, there's nothing you can say or do that's gonna make me feel any better.
Well then, I suppose I'd be wasting my breath if I told you no girl could possibly be a match for a woman like you.
I'd give it a shot.
. . .
I think you are one heck of a kisser... I can't remember being kissed like that... With such passion, such abandon, such... suction.
Well, Danny used to call me his little Dirt Devil.
Niles, look at the cake for my friend Mona's retirement party.
It's beautiful.
It's plaster of Paris.
Why would anyone buy a fake cake?
Because I'm gonna take it out of the box, they're all gonna ooh and aah and then say: "No thanks, I'm on a diet". This way, I can use it again plus I can carry it on the bus [under my arm].
. . .
You do know there's a piece broken off the side?
I know. I had it at my mother's not ten minutes. She said it's dry but if you dunk it in Sanka, it's delish.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Nanny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
