Ma, I can't believe Gracie doesn't want to be seen with me.
Honey, it's a normal thing for a kid to go through. Remember when you suddenly didn't want me to pick you up from school?
Yeah, but I don't wear a girdle on the outside of my pants.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I'm sorry, sir. I just— I just got so excited. I mean, she said and then— then you said and— and when she said "I quit!" well, I—I just wanted to roll over, light up, and watch Letterman.
I just can't be genuinely insincere the way Ms. Babcock is. I tried calling everyone sweetie darling like she does. Now Harvey Fierstein's making pesto for me on Thursday.
[Teaching Brighton a lesson]
Guess who's picking you up from school tomorrow? My mother!
So?
Straight from jazzercise in her thong leotards. And you know, she don't wait outside neither. She's gonna wanna come in and meet all your little friends.
[higher-pitched] So?
Maybe she'll even do her flash dance. You know, she's a maniac.
[repentant] No! I'm sorry! I'll be a good boy!
It is too late, mister. You'd better be watching your back and sleeping with one eye opened! And brush your teeth after every meal! [gets a look from val] What? I'm still his nanny.
[to Niles] Listen, Flavio...I wanna be alone with Maxwell tonight. What's it gonna cost me to make you disappear?
Try fifty bucks.
CCC
Done!
[After C.C. gives him $50 dollars] ...No, didn't work, I'm still here.
People want to do business with me because I'm, well, cute. Big bushy hair, English accent. I'm a one-man mop-top British invasion.
I think Ms. Fine made it up that your hair is thinning because you weren't sympathetic to her problem.
That's because she doesn't have a bloody problem! Look, Niles, she's a young beautiful woman. What do I have to do to convince her she's desirable?!
Oh, sir, I'm sure you'll think of something. [Sprays cologne on him] After all, you're a man, she's a woman, fill in the blanks. The children are at the school, she's lying on the sofa and if all else fails, what would Pierce Brosnan do?
[to Fran] You're my nanny. You take care of my children.
But I've got style, I've got flair. How did I become the nanny?
How do you do, Tiss Maylor? I'm Biles, the nutler.
It doesn't matter who's coming over, Miss Fine, because you're not going to meet her... him, or it.
You know, I cannot believe that you don't trust me. I mean, I sit here cooped up in the house all day, you never introduce me to any of the stars that you know, you never let me in any of your shows. I have a good mine to get Little Ricky and... oh.
CCC.C.
Nanny Fine, I need you to drop off this script to Antonio Banderas!
Forget it, Miss Babcock. I already know who's coming over here.
CCC.C.
You told her about Elizabeth Taylor?!
No. You did!
I don't care if I ever get married. Meanwhile, my mother has a sudden urge to jump out the window and she doesn't know why.
Margaret, if you were Ms. Fine, what car would you like to drive?
Uh... my husband's.
CCC.C.
[Covered with egg yolks and broken egg shells] Maxwell, you've got to do something about that woman. There are people out there throwing EGGS! [Grabs a towel and walks off.]
[Maxwell looks befuddled, then Niles walks into the kitchen from the outside with an empty egg carton. Maxwell sees him and gives Niles a stern look]
...What? Everyone else was doing it.
C.C., life is short. You should go back to doing what you were doing when you were young.
Sir, there's so little call nowadays for Civil War nurses.
Mr. Sheffield is going through a mid-life crisis and I don't know how to pull him out of it.
Marry him.
How's that gonna help him?
Who cares? Better we should be happy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Nanny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.