TV show quotes
I just can't understand why we're not as productive as we were last year. Profits are down, ticket sales are down...
[Looking at C.C.] But some figures are increasing.
Listen, Hazel (laughs) Don't you have anything to dust off?
How about the left side of your bed?
(looking at picture of her ex-boyfriend, Danny's newborn baby) Oh, I'm so jealous!
(grabs picture from Fran) Miss Fine, I can't see why this picture makes you yearn for a child. I could see a Lhasa Apso...
Fran, you're probably wondering why I'm acting so strange.
Ma, you've been here for two seconds. You yelled, you ate. The only thing strange is that you haven't showed me a wedding announcement from a girl I went to high school with.
It's in my purse.
You know I don't like to be filmed when I'm eating.
Which is why there's more footage of Bigfoot than of her.
Oh, Niles, it's so hard planning a vacation when you're single.
Yes, it's so much nicer when you have a family so you can lug their ski equipment around Vale, sit around the fire listening to "Niles, get me a brandy!" "Niles, get me a comforter!" "Niles, go out in that blizzard for a PIZZA!"
Niles!
WHAT... is that on your shoe, sir? Let me get that for you.
Every time I ask you to do something, you always manage to screw it all up.
And yet you continue to ask me. You need help, mister.
. . .
Why do I ever listen to you?
Well, my voice is kinda hard to tune out.
Hi, you must be Mr. Tattori.
Please. My friends call me Tony. [Kisses her hand]
[Pulls it back] What does your wife call ya?
I'm divorced.
[Extends it again] I'm Fran.
So... tell me about yourself. What do you like to do besides dress like a million bucks and drive around in a limo? Which is all I ever really aspire to.
It is not important what I do. It is important who I am.
Who are you?
It is not important who I am. It is important who I am with.
[Fran and Brighton watch a live-action clip of Fran Drescher on TV]
[chuckles] I love her. You know, I've seen her in person. She looks much younger.
[Grace walks to the window]
Fran, the storm is getting worse. How is Santa going to deliver all the presents?
Gracie, the man is bigger than Dom DeLuise and can fit through a chimney. Believe me, he can get through a blizzard.
[About C.C. the Abominable Babcock]
She's only happy when she's making everyone around her miserable.
Sounds like my mother.
Be careful. She's 2000 pounds with arms like a wrestler.
Oy, she is my mother.
Dad, Fran's picture is in Gloss magazine!
Well, what's so bad about that? She'll be thrilled. What, eyes closed, bad angle?
[shows the magazine] She's a fashion "don't".
What's that to do with me?
Read the caption.
"Who let her out of the house with that purse?" [gives a yell of horror]
Oh, I just remembered the charity: asthma.
Niles, get this piece of trash out of here!
[To C.C.] You heard the man. Move it!
Have I let my judgement be impaired by my feelings for Ms. Fine?
What feelings are those, sir?
Well, you know—
No, I don't, sir.
Oh, c'mon, Niles—
But you'd feel so much better if you just said it.
Perhaps you're right! Maybe I should just admit that—
[Enters] Knock-knock!
Oh, WAIT!!
Oh, look at the time. Where did the day go?
Time flies when you're being unreasonable... sir.
[Yetta enters with a policeman]
Yetta, what happened?
[Motioning the crazy sign] We found her wandering around on Queen's Boulevard. She says she lives here.
[Aside to Maxwell] Play along. It's cheaper than a cab.
Officer, thank goodness you're here. Look, our nanny is missing. She stormed out of the house this morning and we haven't seen her since.
She got upset when he called her a gorgeous, sexy vixen he couldn't live without.
I never said that!
Don't you wish you had?
[Niles is writing a sign]
Can you imagine Ms. Fine thinking I'm predictable! Me! Mr.—
[In unison] —Spontaneity.
Niles, you don't think I'm predictable, do you? [Niles shows his sign: "Of course not, sir"] Well, predictable is good, predictable is solid... Oh, God, even I knew I was going to say that.
If I were you, sir, I'd do something before she wakes up in the bedroom of another man... sion.
Niles, I want her to be happy here. How do you suppose I go about satisfying Ms. Fine?
[Awkward silence] Well, the second way, sir—
Niles!
Just shake it up, sir! Do something wild, out there, totally unexpected, I don't know. Give me a bonus!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Nanny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
