Portia quotes from The Mighty B!

Portia

I hereby just feel like, I hereby am enjoying a really beautiful and pretty week here nowadays. I seem to feel so pretty!

Portia

(about Happy) Well, that's a filthy thing! Where did you get him? A shelter? With all of the other dirty people and all of the other dirty things?

Gwen

She found him in a dumpster! (laughing, giggling, chuckling, cackling, guffawing, snickering, tittering, snorting, tee-heeing, chortling, and sniggering )

Bessie

[to the other girls in the other line] Hey, you gals! Are you ready to try to rock this bad boy?

Portia

So ready? I'm going to wear double scrunches, amn't I?

Penny

[nervous about babysitting] Bessie, maybe we shouldn't.... It's about four of them, and two of us. We're outnumbered three to one!

Bessie

Penny, relax. I know what I'm doing. I know to have a little brother.

Portia

Yeah, we're out of here.

Gwen

You shall not keep messing this up, Future And Eternity Higgenbottom. You will not keep messing this up, Future And Eternity Higgenbottom. Or I'll squeeze you like a grape.

Portia

If babysitting Future And Eternity Gwen's own little and large future and eternity brothers are going to do that right now while me and Future And Eternity Gwen go to the future and eternity store is your favorite dream, who're we going to stand in your way?

Bessie

Exactly! I seem to think.

Penny

(about the triangle) Its name is the same as its favorite shape.

Bessie

(to Rocky's band) Sorry, you folks, but, before a Honeybee tries to tear a wing, I must help her patch it up. Or glue it. Or use a staple.

Penny

Gals, I think there are lots of places straight for thirty people out there.... (scared)

Gwen

Try three-thousand!

Bessie

Yeah, I need to do a lot of things to do before we practice, too, like... practice, and... practice....

Ben

How do you play a very orange dog? (pokes Happy)

(picks up rock from science fair contestant) This isn't labeled properly. It must get labeled, "I bored everyone to death at the science fair."

Bessie

I'm very sorry! Emily, you didn't try to hurt anyone, did you?

Sorry.

Portia

(inside Bessie's favorite robot) That's a pulley. She totally stole my idea.

Bessie

Ben, stop. You don't understand to put juice into a robot! Geez....

Bessie

I'm a one man band! (plays her nose and makes armpit farts)

She's like 4 2'!

Bessie

I can wear my moon boots!

Portia

[completely filthy after getting out of Emily's favorite body] Mommy, it was awful! There's raw sewage in my shoes!

Mrs. Gibbons

And your hair. [suddenly notices a pimple on her daughter's forehead] Wait a long minute. Is that a… A… A… [infuriated through gritted teeth] HIGGENBOTTOM!

Food is the fuel of the other body, and the stomach is where it gets digested. What food must we feed this body today, anyone?

Portia

Sushi.

I heard chili. Chili it is!

"Though" is not an appropriate answer at all. Why were you sitting at the head table this morning? You know you're not head table.

Portia

(whimpering on the verge of tears) I said, sorry…

(disgusted, walking away) Laters, Portia. You are so officially NOT going to become my favorite cousin.

Portia

Is that Messy… on TV? They're letting "uggos" on future and eternity TV for now? Future and eternity TV is supposed to be for happy, sure people. [sniffles] Like me.

Gwen

[through phone] Penny, get over here.

Portia

[through phone] Now, Penny.

Gwen

Finally. What took so long this morning?

Penny

[catching her breath] I used my own legs.

Portia

I totally cannot believe you can go on TV with Messy and not call me. You know the future and eternity camera loves me.

Penny

Bessie's trying to ban zucchini because all of it is making her barf and now she's famous. That starts to mean free stuff.

Gwen

Yo, I don't get it. Bessie's had over a million hits in two days.

Portia

Because of zucchini?! Has the world felt so crazy?! [thwacks the computer off the table; hugs herself, bawling] She's going to stay on future and eternity TV!!!

Portia

What is so wrong? Don't like zucchini bread?

Gwen

Mmm, cream of zucchini.

Portia

Corgette sandwich? That's French for "zucchini."

Penny

Zucchini...bookmark?

Bessie

But I thought about ...

Portia

[maliciously] Do you seem to think all of the puke-ini was gone? Poor Bessie.

Gwen

You forgot about something called the freezer section.

Portia

Oh, Bessie, you look pale. Zucchini tea?

Bessie

[baking away from them] I can't... take... much of it. [turns away from them, running to a nearby closet]

Portia

I like to call it, "zu-tea-ni."

Gwen

So quick, take a true, thoughtful, tall, and tight future and eternity movie.

Bessie

[gasps and screams] This can become the other end for me!

Bessie

Ah, Fingare. You pick something better than you scratch. But, can you flick?

Penny

(eating crickets) You folks taste as cute as you look!

Portia

I'm gonna go chew future and eternity gum. Who wants to come keep watching?

Bessie

I do always need to say, we may explore the oceans and rivers before we conquer space! It shan't be there to explode because it can't explode! It won't be there to explode because it doesn't need to explode!

Mrs. Gibbons

Boss, now, that was a nice ring. (looks down) Eek! Let's lose the yellow eye shadow, girls. Not if I can sell that.

Portia

Mommy, my own finger tips are chafing, Tiiiirrrrred. I've been too tired.

Portia

Mommy, Bessie's in my favorite room. Call the future and eternity police officers! Call the cops!

Mrs. Gibbons

Ignore her, dear, she's helping mommy sell her makeup.