Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

If he's here, how is the killer gonna get to him?

Lisbon

He could be the killer. Even if he's not, we don't want the killer to get him.

Jane

Yes, we do. Machado is our bait. He's our tethered goat.

Lisbon

And too bad if the bait gets killed?

Jane

Well, yes. That's why you use goats and not babies or virgins for that matter.

Lisbon

Machado's not a goat.

Jane

You're right, he's not actually a goat. He's goatish. He deserves to suffer.

Lisbon

Nobody deserves murder.

Jane

Machado helped burn Dave Martin alive out of greed.

Lisbon

Jane, we're officers of the law.

Jane

You are. I don't care about the law. I care about justice, and justice says Machado deserves to suffer.

Lisbon

That's not justice, it's vengeance.

Jane

What's the difference?

Lisbon

Seems like this whole thing has changed your mind about vengeance.

Jane

Has it?

Lisbon

"Revenge is for fools and madmen"?

Jane

Yeah, that was rather good, I thought. Total nonsense, but quite good nonetheless.

Lisbon

Where do you get off giving orders in the first place? I say who goes and who stays, not you.

Jane

Well, that's, uh, fiery but calm. Very good. Why don't you try it with a more forceful hand gesture, like... [he demonstrates...] I say who goes and who stays, not you.

Lisbon

I'm serious.

I was at the hospital, 'cause my appendix busted. You want to see my scar?

Lisbon

No. No, but I'm sure Mr. Jane would love to.

Jane

Now I have access to all your innermost thoughts.

Lisbon

Yeah, right.

Jane

I'm serious.

Lisbon

Okay. So what am I thinking right now?

Jane

You're thinking, I'm so glad Jane is joking around and he can't actually read my mind.

Lisbon

No. Well, actually, yes, but not for the reason you think.

Jane

What reason do I think?

Lisbon

Never you mind.

Rigsby

You're blushing.

Jane

You are blushing.

Lisbon

What if we take this case and it turns out she's guilty?

Jane

She didn't do it.

Lisbon

How do you know?

Jane

Because she told me she didn't. She wouldn't lie to me.

Lisbon

Why not?

Jane

Because she wouldn't.

Lisbon

Suppose she did.

Jane

Well, if shes is guilty, then we need to catch her and punish her, but she's not.

Lisbon

Jane, I know I said I wouldn't ask, but I'm asking. Who is this woman? What's the connection?

Jane

You don't wanna know.

Jane

Yeah, I went through a rough patch. Did a little time in a hospital. Sophie helped me through that time.

Lisbon

It's not on your record.

Jane

No. Believe me, I...it's not easy to do. I know there's nothing shameful about having a breakdown, but I gotta confess, I am ashamed of it.

Lisbon

Thank you for being so honest with me.

Jane

Sorry I kept it from you.

Lisbon

Seriously, I've stuck my stupid neck out for you for the umpteenth time. I think I deserve the truth. Why is Sophie Miller so important to you?

Jane

She was my doctor.

Lisbon

She's a psychiatrist.

Jane

Yes. She was my psychiatrist.

Lisbon

But you hate psychiatrists. So you always say.

Jane

She was a good psychiatrist.

Lisbon

She must have been, if she managed to keep you in the room.

Jane

It was a locked room.

Lisbon

[pauses] Oh.

Jane

You don't like the way I drive, you despise it.

Lisbon

You drive way too fast.

Jane

I drive just fast enough. You hate not being the one in control and yet you're willing to overcome your irrational fears to cheer me up. That's a beautiful thing, Lisbon. Thank you, I'd love to drive.

Lisbon

Never mind.

Lisbon

Aw. Jane kissed a girl.

Jane

What? Yeah on the cheek.

Lisbon

Still counts.

Lisbon

We have agents at your house right now with a search warrant.

Inadmissible.

Lisbon

Yes. I'd hate to be a State's Attorney. Jane's always pulling crap like this on them but they always win.

Jane

Let's keep it casual to start with Sophie. Let her relax. If she gets her guard up, we'll get nothing from her.

Lisbon

You're very combative all of a sudden.

Jane

Yeah, if she is guilty, she lied to me and I believed it. She fooled me.

Lisbon

The ultimate sin.

Jane

Yes it is.

Jane

The widow's not a true blonde. She's naturally dark.

Lisbon

And what?

Jane

And her hair's colored and styled to look like Sophie, only younger. She was a brunette when I knew her.

Lisbon

So Nelson was a control freak like you said.

Jane

A control freak with a serious thing for getting his women to dye their hair blonde.

Lisbon

Kerry Sheenan has roots.

Jane

Yes, she does.

Lisbon

Sheenan and Alex Nelson were having an affair.

Jane

Bravo!

Jane

Hey, thanks for not telling I made you take the case. Lisbon? Hello?

Lisbon

Tell me the truth.

Jane

Truth. Darth Vader? Luke's father.

Please do not dig the hole that you are standing in any deeper than you have already dug it.

Lisbon

No, sir.

That hole is the grave of your very promising career.

Lisbon

You should put a flashlight underneath your chin just to complete the effect.

I'm not kidding.

Lisbon

I know.