Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Lisbon

Wow. How many do you have?

Uh, we got Lauren, Maddy, and Sally.

Jane

[whistles] Wow. Breeder.

Jane

Well, Greg seems very nice.

Lisbon

I am not discussing this with you.

Jane

Nice, solid, dependable. I can see why you dumped him.

Lisbon

I mean it, Jane.

Jane

All right.

Lisbon

Seriously.

Jane

All right.

Lisbon

(beat) I didn't dump him. We both decided to take a break.

Jane

The old "let's take a break."

Lisbon

So, why didn't you let me in on your brilliant plan?

Jane

Oh, you were very busy with Greg.

Lisbon

I am never too busy to solve a murder.

Jane

Well, you seemed to be very busy with Greg.

Jane

Don't be wistful, Lisbon. Greg was never the right man for you.

Lisbon

I'm not wistful! And no, he wasn't.

Jane

You're far too intense and particular for a man like that.

Lisbon

Excuse me? Intense and particular? What is that supposed to mean?

Jane

Well, they're good things.

Lisbon

In what ways am I intense and particular?

Jane

Oh, please.

Lisbon

Tell me.

Jane

Well, what ever happened to that guy from narcotics?

Lisbon

Jeff?

Jane

Jeff.

Lisbon

Oh, he bit his nails.

Jane

See, that's particular.

Lisbon

That is not being particular, it's a disgusting habit!

Jane

There's intense.

Jane

This is God! What is it now?

Lisbon

You scared the life out of me.

Jane

I crawled all the way on my hands in these from that door, but was worth it.

Lisbon

What are you doing here?

Jane

It's good to see you! How have you been?

Lisbon

Worried sick, that's how I've been! And then you pop in here like you're some sort of a lunatic playing games and asking me how I've been?!

Jane

Just-

Lisbon

Shame on you.

Jane

Just stay calm, ok? It's important no one sees us together.

Lisbon

Why not?

Jane

I'm faking my breakdown. It's a boost to trap Red John.

Lisbon

You son of a bitch! You. Son. Of a bitch!

Jane

Ok, we are in a church.

Jane

Fooled you, I could fool him.

Lisbon

Yeah, you fooled me. Alright, well done.

Jane

Yeah... Well, I'm sorry.

Lisbon

I tried calling. I tried calling you hundreds of times, begging you to talk to me, begging you to get help. Not a reply, not a word, not a text.

Jane

Sorry.

Lisbon

You know what? I've not been sleeping, I have not- Forget it, never mind. You know, you're a jerk. And your plan, it's not even a plan.

Jane

But you will help me?

Lisbon

What am I supposed to say? No? God, you're despicable!

Lisbon

So that thing you said before you shot me... What did you mean?

Jane

...what did I say? I was kinda hyped up.

Lisbon

So did you buy that bracelet for Lorelai?

Jane

No, just a whim. Liked it. When I talk to her I need to be alone.

Lisbon

You will be.

Jane

I mean, with nobody watching or listening. I need to be able to tell her truthfully that we are alone.

Lisbon

Okay.

Jane

Thank you.

Lisbon

Just be careful. Don't get pulled into her game.

Jane

And what game is that?

Lisbon

I don't know, you tell me.

Jane

Well, I'm supposed to tell the game that you're thinking of? Okay, you're thinking of... Twister?

Lisbon

Go ahead. Laugh. But she's practically the first person since your wife that you...

Jane

Ooh!

Lisbon

It wouldn't be surprising if you had feelings for her.

Jane

She's a stepping stone to Red John. I knew that from the beginning. I don't have any feelings for her.

Lisbon

What are you? Huh? Crazy?

Jane

Excuse me?

Lisbon

I told you to be careful. I told you not to go over the edge.

Jane

And I told you not to listen.

Lisbon

Don't be childish! I am not your girlfriend, I am an officer of the law! How could I not listen?! You kissed her. And you offered to help her escape.

Jane

And I would ask her to marry me if I thought she would buy it. I was playing her.

Lisbon

She was playing you.

Lisbon

I don't think you should be talking to Lorelai. You're too close.

Jane

Well I disagree.

Lisbon

I could put a stop to this right now. One word to Bertram-

Jane

Please don't do that. I know I can turn her. I know I can. And I promise you I will be careful.

Lisbon

Okay. (Jane touches Lisbon on the shoulder)

Jane

Thank you.

Rigsby

Ah well done.

Cho

Good job, when do we get her back?

Jane

The judge said we can pick her up from County Jail tomorrow.

Rigsby

Did Mancini really throw a bottle at you?

Jane

Yes he did. And then he procedeed to chase me through the State House. But failed to catch me.

Lisbon

Congratulations, another mortal enemy made. You shoul be very proud.

Jane

Look, I'm sorry by the way.

Lisbon

For what? There's a long list of possibilities.

Jane

Well, it's just some general apologies. Use it for your top issue.

Lisbon

Thanks.

Jane

Still here.

Charlotte

You're still tripping.

Jane

It would seem so.

Charlotte

You really shouldn't be driving. And you especially should not be driving an ambulance.

Jane

[looks around to see that he's actually in an ambulance] Well that was some strong tea...[sees Lisbon approaching] Oh-oh.

Lisbon

Now you're stealing an ambulance!

Jane

No! I'm just admiring the interior. Wicked GPS. How much you think one of these rigs goes for?

Lisbon

You need bed rest!

Jane

I need to go back to the crime scene.

Charlotte

What's her story? She have a boyfriend?

Jane

Be quiet.

Lisbon

I didn't say anything.

Jane

I was talking to the hallucination.

Lisbon

In bed. Now.

Jane

When I was in the victim's kitchen I made a break through in the case. At least I thought I did. That's about when the wacky tea kicked in.

Lisbon

Fine, I will have Van Pelt come down here with crime scene photos.

Jane

Not the same, I have to be there. Hallucinations are part of the subconscious, mine could be clues.

Lisbon

We'll go when you're lucid!

Jane

When I'm lucid I could forget everything. But right now, let me tell you, right now my visions are very very real.

Lisbon

In other words, you wanna use drugs to solve a case.

Jane

Some great minds did their best work on hallucinogens.

Lisbon

Now you have a great mind?

Charlotte

Uhuh! I like her!

Jane

Oh you're funny. Double act, huh?

Lisbon

Jane, you're scaring me.

Jane

Teresa, you can call me Patrick. Drugs is not the path I would choose, but it's been chosen for me, so I must stay the course. Please, I implore you, take me back to the crime scene.

Jane

Last thing I remember was admiring this beautiful butterfly right here.

Lisbon

Real or imagine?

Jane

Real, I think. Then I heard a bang in that pot there on the stove.

Lisbon

What was in the pot?

Jane

A rabbit.

Lisbon

Like that rabbit?

Jane

Yeah, just like that. But my rabbit was real with a diamond necklace.

Lisbon

That is some hallucinogen.

Charlotte

She's kinda cute. Have you guys ever..?

Jane

You be quiet.

Lisbon

Jane. Jane wake up.

Jane

Yeah. What's the time?

Lisbon

Eight.

Jane

Oh we have to get going!

Lisbon

Where?

Jane

I'll explain it all in the car.

Lisbon

No, you'll explain it now please.

Jane

Oh I like it when you get all authoritarian on me.

Lisbon

Talk. Where are we going?

Jane

Catch Ernie's killer.

Lisbon

How? We don't have anything on Hutten.

Jane

Hutten didn't kill Ernie.

Lisbon

He didn't?

Jane

Well, he robbed the bank alright, but he was telling the truth when he said he didn't need to shoot anyone. Why would he do that? It's sloppy, not his style.

Lisbon

Jane, I need more than that.

Jane

Remember the safe deposit vault was open during the robbery? I just assumed that someone took something from there, but I got it all backwards. They didn't get anything, they put something in there.

Lisbon

What?

Jane

You really want me to tell you? It's gonna ruin the surprise.

Lisbon

Yes, I don't like surprises.

Jane

Three guesses then. I'll give you a hint? It's not animal, or vegetable.