Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

[talking about the painting] May I borrow it for a while?

I don't know about that. How do I know I'm going to get it back?

Jane

Let me put it another way. Lend it to me, or Agent Van Pelt here will take you and the painting back to Sacramento and keep you there and ask you mind-numbing questions for hours on end.

Lisbon

[talking about Harry] What was his previous employment?

Jane

He was a musician. Jazz guitarist.

Yes. How did you know that?

Jane

I looked at his fingers. Guitarist fingers. Jazz with a flamenco edge, judging by the ridge on his thumb.

Jane

If we're lucky, we'll find a murder weapon. It was obviously a well-planned robbery.

Cho

Why is that obvious?

Jane

Nobody finds themselves in a locked room full of old masters in the middle of the night by accident, do they? So, well-planned.

Rigsby

You better call Lisbon, give her an update.

Jane

You call her.

Rigsby

I can't. I'm driving. Cho?

Cho

No way.

Jane

Oh, come on, guys. I just robbed a Russian mobster. You can't call Lisbon?

Lisbon

Just follow procedure. Have fun!

Jane

Where is the fun in that?

Jane

You and Miss Duane came up here to have sex in the boss's office.

That is absurd. Why would I do such a stupid thing?

Jane

Because it's forbidden and thus very sexy, of course, especially if you have father issues. And who doesn't? It's furtive but powerful challenge to the paternal authority.

Jane

What?

Lisbon

You know damn well what. You assaulted a man.

Jane

I just tweaked him on the nose.

Lisbon

Technically, that's assault.

Jane

Technically, he's an ass. He deserved it.

Jane

Can't sleep alone, huh?

Some people use cocoa and a good book. I use beautiful women.

Jane

There's something on this side of the room you don't want us to find. What is that?

Nothing. There's nothing.

Jane

Look me in the eye and say that.

Whatever. Search all you want.

Jane

Nah. Too much stuff. Not very tidy. Good in bed, I expect, yeah? Messy women make good lovers.

Grace

What was she thinking? She was so beautiful and he's so creepy.

Rigsby

Yeah, Dr. Rubenstein was hot, too. How does he do it?

Jane

All you need is a basic understanding of the evolutionary psychology of women. Rigorously and fearlessly applied. You get to know what buttons to press.

Lisbon

Like we're toasters?

Grace

Like men don't have buttons, too?

Jane

Men are like toasters. Women...little more like accordions.

Jane

[He looks Fricke straight in the eyes] Do you know who killed Claire?

[Emphatically] No.

Jane

Interesting. He is either a habitual liar telling the truth, or he's an honest man lying.

Jane

I do hate when people say thank you.

Rigsby

Why?

Lisbon

He likes to play the Lone Ranger. Who was that masked man? I never got the chance to thank him.

Jane

Exactly.

Rigsby

Poison and a message in lipstick says this murder was done by a woman. Women have no secrets from other women.

Jane

Well, unless it was a cunning man posing as a woman.

Rigsby

What you think?

Jane

No.

Jane

This blind thing really works. Without my vision, I can tune into my other senses much more clearly.

Lisbon

That's great. Let me go make you a superhero costume. What do you want to be called?

Lisbon

What are you doing?

Jane

I wanna know what your face feels like when you're smiling.

Jane

I'm still convinced there's a connection between Medina and me, so before you make me that superhero costume I'm looking forward to, could you take me to visit with his widow?

Lisbon

Maybe.

Jane

Thank you. And incidentally, you're smelling particularly good today. [Lisbon rolls her eyes and walks away] Is that cinnamon in the mix there somewhere? Lisbon? [He reaches out to see if she's still there]